Song and Dance

Hello

2011-02-18T11:52:00.000-08:00

Lame that you have to watch an ad before the video, but here you have it. An update for 2011.

*sigh* I think all that time away from stable internet was bad for me. I tried oneword today...nothing came as I stared at "Invent," clock ticking down the 60 seconds. I even refreshed, but the results were worse. Stuttered words and bland sentence structure, it was sickening to see.

...But I've been realizing lately how much I've drifted away from my old love of writing. I always saw it as half therapeutic, half pipe dream...and maybe it's time to get back to that. Gods know I'm just as confused as ever. :)

And this blog is as good of a place to start as any. Songs interspersed with snippets of my life, possibly sharing a certain amount of thematic resonance? Let's do this bitch!

Lupe Fiasco
The Show Goes On

LA-SER

Alright, already the show goes on
Alright, till the morning we dream so long
Anybody ever wonder, when they would see the sun up
Just remember when you come up
The show goes on!
Alright, already the show goes on
Alright, till the morning we dream so long
Anybody ever wonder, when they would see the sun up
Just remember when you come up
The show goes on!

[Lupe Fiasco Verse 1]
Have you ever had the feeling that you was being had
Don’t that sh-t make you mad
They treat you like a slave, with chains all on your soul,
And put whips up on your back,
They be lying through they teeth
Hope you slip up off your path
I don’t switch up I just laugh
Put my kicks up on they desk
Unaffected by they threats than get busy on they ass
See that’s how that Chi-Town made me
That’s how my daddy raised me
That glittering may not be gold, don’t let no body play me
If you are my homeboy, you never have to pay me
Go on and put your hands up, when times are hard you stand up
L-U-P the man, cause a brand that the fans trust
So even if they ban us they’ll never slow my plans up!

Alright, already the show goes on
Alright, till the morning we dream so long
Anybody ever wonder, when they would see the sun up
Just remember when you come up
The show goes on!
Alright, already the show goes on
Alright, till the morning we dream so long
Anybody ever wonder, when they would see the sun up
Just remember when you come up
The show goes on!

[Lupe Fiasco Verse 2]
One in the air for the people that ain’t here
Two in the air for the father that’s there
Three in the air for the kids in the ghetto
Four for the kids who don’t wanna be there
Lupe Fiasco The Show Goes On lyrics found on http://www.directlyrics.com/lupe-fiasco-the-show-goes-on-lyrics.html

None for the n-ggas trying to hold them back
Five in the air for the teacher not scared to tell those kids thats living in the ghetto that the n-ggas holdin back that the World is theirs!
Yeah yeah, the World is yours, I was once that little boy
Terrified of the World
Now I’m on a World tour
I will give up everything, even start a world war
For these ghettos girls and boys im rapping round’ the World for!
Africa to New York, Haiti then I detour, Oakland out to Auckland
Gaza Strip to Detroit, say hip-hop only destroy
Tell em’ look at me, boy!
I hope your son don’t have a gun and that would be a D-boy

Alright, already the show goes on
Alright, till the morning we dream so long
Anybody ever wonder, when they would see the sun up
Just remember when you come up
The show goes on!
Alright, already the show goes on
Alright, till the morning we dream so long
Anybody ever wonder, when they would see the sun up
Just remember when you come up
The show goes on!

[Lupe Fiasco Verse 3]
So no matter what you been through
No matter what you into
No matter what you see when you look outside your window
Brown grass or green grass
Picket fence or barbed wire
Never ever put them down
You just lift your arms higher
Raise em till’ your arms tired
Let em’ know you’re their
That you struggling and survivin’ that you gonna persevere
Yeah, ain’t no body leavin, no body goin’ home
Even if they turn the lights out the show is goin’ on!

Alright, already the show goes on
Alright, till the morning we dream so long
Anybody ever wonder, when they would see the sun up
Just remember when you come up
The show goes on!
Alright, already the show goes on
Alright, till the morning we dream so long
Anybody ever wonder, when they would see the sun up
Just remember when you come up
The show goes on!

Well, hello Blog

2010-08-12T16:18:00.000-07:00

I hadn't exactly forgotten you, oh blog o'mine. I think of you, every now and then, as I hear a catchy song or that damn Peter Panda dance comes to mind. But I didn't have internet on the regular and then, well...I was out of habit. So. Hello my pathetic little blog. Enjoy a bit of ultra sugary pop culture on me.

Bad Romance
Glee Cast

Whoaaa oooooh caught in a bad romance
Whoaaa oooooh caught in a bad romance

Rah-rah-ah-ah-ah-ah!
Roma-roma-mamaa!
Ga-ga-ooh-la-la!
Want your bad romance

Rah-rah-ah-ah-ah-ah!
Roma-roma-mamaa!
Ga-ga-ooh-la-la!
Want your bad romance

I want your ugly I want your disease
I want your everything as long as it's free
I want your love
Love-love-love I want your love

I want your drama the touch of your hand (hey)
I want your leather studded kiss in the sand
I want your love
Love-love-love I want your love
(Love-love-love I want your love)

You know that I want you and you know that I need you
I want it bad, bad romance

I want your love and I want your revenge
You and me could write a bad romance
(whoaaa oooh)
I want your love and All your lovers' revenge
You and me could write a bad romance

Whoaaa oooooh caught in a bad romance
Whoaaa oooooh caught in a bad romance

Rah-rah-ah-ah-ah!
Roma-roma-maa!
Ga-ga-ooh-la-la!
Want your bad romance

I want your horror I want your design
Cause you're a criminal as long as your mine
I want your love
Love-love-love
I want your love

I want your psycho your vertigo stick
Want you in my rear window baby you're sick
I want your love
Love-love-love I want your love
(Love-love-love I want your love)

You know that I want you
('Cause I'm a freak baby!)
And you know that I need you
I want your bad, bad romance

I want your love and I want your revenge
You and me could write a bad romance
(whoaaaa ooh)
I want your love and all your love has revenge
You and me could write a bad romance

Whoaaa oooooh caught in a bad romance
Whoaaa oooooh caught in a bad romance

Rah-rah-ah-ah-ah
Roma-roma-maa!
Ga-ga-ooh-la-la!
Want your bad romance
Rah-rah-ah-ah-ah!
Roma-roma-maa!
Ga-ga-ooh-la-la!
Want your bad romance

Walk, walk fashion baby
Work it move that thing crazy
(repeat)
I'm a freak baby

I want your love and I want your revenge
I want your love I don't wanna be friends
Je veux ton amour et je veux ta revanche
Je veux ton amour I don't wanna be friends

(Whoaaa oooooh caught in a bad romance)
I don't wanna be friends
I don't wanna be friends
Want your bad romance
(Caught in a bad romance)
Want your bad romance!

I want your love and I want your revenge
You and me could write a bad romance
(whoaaa oooh)
I want your love and all your lovers' revenge
You and me could write a bad romance

(Whoaaa oooooh caught in a bad romance)
Want your bad romance!
(Whoaaa oooooh caught in a bad romance)
Want your bad romance!

Rah-rah-ah-ah-ah-
Roma-roma-maa!
Ga-ga-ooh-la-la!
Want your bad romance

The past

2008-12-23T19:16:00.000-08:00

Has come to town. Once again a turmoil of emotion holds my mind captive and my fingers dancing across the keyboard. Each strum of your guitar quivers in my soul, and I feel your music in a way unique to me. I know, from your explanations, that your inspiration is more mundane and yet its universality calls pictures from my own life to the screenplay in my mind.

I wonder if I am alone in this feeling, and yet something tells me no. That if you continue on the path you strive, I will one day have a story to tell of back when. I only hope that the inspiration you provide will allow me to stand on those heights as an equal. You remind me of why I tread the difficult path I do, I owe it to you to create that better world.

Networking? Ha!

2008-12-12T19:14:00.000-08:00

So, on a whim, I decided to do a search on blogger for certain phrases. Here's a few keen ones that didn't seem to have any results.

Platonic Death: I'm thinking this phrase would be fun from many angles. I mean, there's the platonic death that kills relationships...that whole, I've know you so long, ewww with the boinking. Then there is the more literal angle of Plato. Personally I could see it being a phrase referring to people who go off the deep end of analysis and never make it back.

Twenties Misstep: See, there was this dance called the Charleston right? And all my buddies laughed when I missed a step. Or you know, the economy collapsed...a world war began...That's just a bet of a misstep. Also, the age bracket...how many people have floundered during their twenties? Isn't it sorta the stereotypical marker of that age?

Sweet Monkeys: Technically someone did use this phrase in their profile, but monkies? Way to use your spell check. (Insulting random people from afar on a blog only I read. How passive aggressive.)

...And I just figured out that google is only showing me people's user profiles. Lame. Suddenly this whole irrelevant post just got that much more irrelevant.

And yet, I post it anyway.

Why? Because I can... Plus I'm gonna have to figure out a way to use these phrases in a relevant way someday.

Song?!?`

2008-11-07T17:38:00.000-08:00

I haven't forgotten about the song aspect of this side...life has just been such that I haven't been getting to listen to a lot of new music. Regina Spektor isn't a new thing for me, as my old posting of Fidelity will attest to, but I recently started listening to some of her older, odder, songs. This one came on as I was driving one day, and I fell in love.

On a mostly side note, Question: (Said in a dry Dwight-ish sort of way) Why do people repeat news about how exs are/will be miserable? I'm not one of those sorts who take other people's misery to be a positive thing. I'm a firm believer in that whole, if you loved someone, you want the best for them, even if you're no longer in the picture, concept. Even without that, knowing that someone else is in pain is never a positive thing for me, so why would I care to hear such news about someone I used to care deeply for? Gar! Oh well...it was just opinion anyway.

And now for the only thing that you stumbled to this site in search of, the lyrics...

Regina Spektor
Poor Little Rich Boy

Poor little rich boy, all the couples have gone
You wish that they hadn’t, you don’t wanna be alone
But they wanna kiss and they got homes of their own
Poor little rich boy all the couples have gone, they’ve gone, they’ve gone

And you don’t love your girlfriend
You don’t love your girlfriend
And you think that you should but she thinks that she’s fat
But she isn’t but you don’t love her anyway
And you don’t love your mother
And you know that you should
And you wish that you would
But you don’t anyway

Poor little rich boy, all the world is okay
The water runs off your skin and down into the drain
You’re reading Fitzgerald, you’re reading Hemmingway
They’re both super smart and drinking in the cafés

And you don’t love your girlfriend
You don’t love your girlfriend
And you think that you should but she thinks that she’s fat
But she isn’t but you don’t love her anyway
And you don’t love your mother
And you know that you should
And you wish that you would
But you don’t anyway

You’re so young, you’re so goddamn young
You’re so young, you’re so goddamn young
You’re so young, you’re so goddamn young
You’re so goddamn young
You’re so goddamn young
You’re so young, you’re so goddamn young
You’re so young, you’re so goddamn young
You’re so goddamn young

Fragement

2008-11-05T18:44:00.000-08:00

Startled:

The coat slipped apart in the breeze, and I saw what she wore beneath. Her face, frozen in terror, was the sight that would remain with me in the coming years.

For some reason, even though it took me the full sixty seconds to write just these two sentences, I really like this thought. Someday I'll have to see where it takes me.

Yes We Did

2008-11-05T18:37:00.000-08:00

I watched this video again on this marvelous day. The hope that it gave me nine months ago, when I first saw it, paled in comparison to the hope I feel today. Congratulations President Elect Obama, and good luck.

It was a creed written into the founding documents that declared the destiny of a nation.
Yes we can.
It was whispered by slaves and abolitionists as they blazed a trail toward freedom.
Yes we can.
It was sung by immigrants as they struck out from distant shores and pioneers who pushed westward against an unforgiving wilderness.
Yes we can.
It was the call of workers who organized; women who reached for the ballots; a President who chose the moon as our new frontier; and a King who took us to the mountaintop and pointed the way to the Promised Land.
Yes we can to justice and equality.
Yes we can to opportunity and prosperity.
Yes we can heal this nation.
Yes we can repair this world.
Yes we can.
We know the battle ahead will be long, but always remember that no matter what obstacles stand in our way, nothing can stand in the way of the power of millions of voices calling for change. (We want change.)
We have been told we cannot do this by a chorus of cynics…they will only grow louder and more dissonant ……….. We’ve been asked to pause for a reality check. We’ve been warned against offering the people of this nation false hope.
But in the unlikely story that is America, there has never been anything false about hope.
Now the hopes of the little girl who goes to a crumbling school in Dillon are the same as the dreams of the boy who learns on the streets of LA; we will remember that there is something happening in America; that we are not as divided as our politics suggests; that we are one people; we are one nation; and together, we will begin the next great chapter in the American story with three words that will ring from coast to coast; from sea to shining sea:
Yes We Can.

Taxi Cabs in the City

2008-10-30T19:03:00.000-07:00

The word: Gentle

She looked so gentle, as she stepped from the taxi. I had no other words to describe her graceful body unfolding from the tiny backseat, suitcases in hand. My gentle lady had returned to the city, and it was to be my task to protect her. For how else would she survive the harshness of reality?

Oh, wretched Day

2008-09-29T19:47:00.000-07:00

Word o'the'day
Evidence

She had examined the evidence time and time again. Any way she looked at things, it all came out the same. It was time for her to leave. She'd tried everything to salvage her relationship, she'd written and rewritten the pro and con lists, she'd even tried to convince herself that it was all in her mind, but no matter how much she wanted things to be otherwise, they weren't. Tonight, she was going to have to break off the wedding. If only it wasn't tomorrow.

She hated herself for the timing.

(Note, I added a bit to one of the middle sentences. Oneword is awesome, but so is editing...)

(I like how nicely this can go along with my original post for "feathered." Completely unintentional, but probably related to the soap opera that is my roommates.)

Time?

2008-09-24T19:05:00.000-07:00

For some reason Oneword did not have a new word, as expected. I was so shocked, I did it anyway...

Feathered

My mind races, but haven't I seen this word already? Perhaps it is a trick, a dream of events that have not yet passed, but I'd like to think I was more temporally stable than that.

You never know though. My mother knew a guy who was an amazing faker. He was constantly flitting through time, and yet he could live a normal life, at least in our time. God knows what those other seconds were like.

Yay?

2008-09-23T20:38:00.000-07:00

I started "onewording" it again, so this blog may be updated more often w/ non music related stuff. Hmm...It's been a grip since I blogged...Funny how this is the blog I turn to anymore.

Word o'the'day
Feathered

Her feathered hair shone in the sunlight. Our time together was about to come to an end and all I could think about was her endearing habit of chewing on that hair...

I was going to miss it, but I suppose this was for the best. People are suppose to grow, right? You keep learning or you might as well be dead? Well, this was what she needed to grow and I was just going to have to deal.

Emo Sigh

2008-09-05T08:47:00.000-07:00

I haven't posted any songs lately, because honestly the songs that have been playing in my head aren't available to the world.

Falling for musician guy from my work sucked...
Confessing crush knowing:
a. He has a lovely girlfriend now
b. He's moving...
sucked more. But I did it, which is more than I can say for every other serious crush I've ever had. (Aside from the mutual tenative confessions that went on with my ex) Sigh... I sound like such a middle school girl sometimes. Social Anxiety for the win...

Worse though, was realizing that unless his band makes it, I may never hear him play again...
Devastating.

Actually, I really like his solo stuff, and hopefully he really will work on posting it somewhere...

At least, if nothing else, I'll have his Beatles covers in my head... The sad thing about original music is that it is much more difficult to remember the lyrics. Or, if I remember the lyrics, I lose the melody.

I will have hope. I inevitably ended up missing out on all the concerts over the last year, but if he's any indication, they should be some kind of groovy.

I don't want to lose that music....

(I wish I had the courage to give him my e-mail address. He's said previously that he respects my opinion on his lyrics, and that he would like to communicate about them after he leaves. *!&# If only I could step out of myself and offer, before he is out of state.)

Of late nights and empty coffee shops

2008-07-13T21:02:00.000-07:00

I had an amazing bonding experience with some of my coworkers this weekend. Better, I opened up and learned a little more about myself... Not so much the deep revealing kind of things that I had been sorting out earlier this year but rather growing on those foundations to find a course of action. And so, this song is dedicated not just to my friends who have helped me to recover and become an even stronger person but to the new friends from work. I have never had this exact kind of comradeship before and it's kinda cool.

The Beatles
With A Little Help From My Friends

What would think if I sang out of tune,
Would you stand up and walk out on me.
Lend me your ears and I'll sing you a song,
And I'll try not to sing out of key.
Oh I get by with a little help from my friends,
He gets high with a little help from his friends,
Oh I'm gonna try with a little help from my friends.

What do I do when my love is away.
(Does it worry you to be alone)
How do I feel by the end of the day
(Are you sad because you're on your own)
No, I get by with a little help from my friends,
Mmm I get high with a little help from my friends,
Mmm I'm gonna to try with a little help from my friends

Do you need anybody?
I need somebody to love.
Could it be anybody?
I want somebody to love.

Would you believe in a love at first sight?
Yes I'm certain that it happens all the time.
What do you see when you turn out the light?
I can't tell you, but I know it's mine.
Oh I get by with a little help from my friends,
Mmm I get high with a little help from my friends,
Oh I'm gonna try with a little help from my friends

Do you need anybody?
I need someone to love.
Could it be anybody?
I want somebody to love
Oh...
I get by with a little help from my friends,
I'm gonna try with a little help from my friends
I get high with a little help from my friends
Yes I get by with a little help from my friends,
with a little help from my friends

Ha!

2008-06-08T12:32:00.000-07:00

Weezer
Pork and Beans
Weezer (Red Album)

They say
I need some Rogaine
To put in my hair
Work it out at the gym
To fit my underwear
Oakley makes the shades
That transform a tool
You'd hate
Ffor the kids to think
That you lost your cool

I'mma do the things
That I wanna do
I ain't got a thing
To prove to you
I'll eat my candy
With the pork and beans
Excuse my manners
If I make a scene
I ain't gonna wear
The clothes that you like
I'm finally dandy
With the me inside
One look in the mirror
And I'm tickled pink
I don't give a hoot
About what you think

Everyone likes to dance
To a happy song
(Hey, hey)
With a catchy chorus and beat
So they can sing along
(Hey, hey)
Timbaland knows the way
To reach the top of the charts
Maybe if I work with him
I can perfect the art

I'mma do the things
That I wanna do
I ain't got a thing
To prove to you
I'll eat my candy
With the pork and beans
Excuse my manners
If I make a scene
I ain't gonna wear
The clothes that you like
I'm finally dandy
With the me inside
One look in the mirror
And I'm tickled pink
I don't give a hoot
About what you think

No I don't care
I don't care

I'mma do the things
That I wanna do
I ain't got a thing
To prove to you
I'll eat my candy
With the pork and beans
Excuse my manners
If I make a scene
I ain't gonna wear
The clothes that you like
I'm finally dandy
With the me inside
One look in the mirror
And I'm tickled pink
I don't give a hoot
About what you think
Totally different?

Well then...

2008-05-24T14:54:00.000-07:00

I hope to write a letter to the authors of this next song. After having read "The Littlest Stalker," I suddenly have a need to write more letters to the creators of the things that I love. Letters that recognize the inherent insanity of my devotion to their creative products, but are unabashed in my praise. Because as crazy as it is...I feel an inordinate amount of respect for Panic at The Disco and their latest album. It feels as if they are people I know, writing these songs just for me... which I know they aren't. But I appreciate them nonetheless...

(And no worries...I will never be the crazy stalker type chick screaming your names with adoration in my eyes. I'll probably never get up the courage to do more than attend a show and close my eyes and lose myself in the feeling of the songs...)

This was the one that first caught my ear...Although there are several others that I'll probably post here in time.

Nine in The Afternoon
Panic at The Disco!

Back to the street where we began
Feeling as good as lovers can you know
Yeah we're feeling so good
Picking up things we shouldn't read
It looks like the end of history as we know
It's just the end of the world

Back to the street where we began
Feeling as good as love, you could you can

Into a place, where thoughts can bloom
Into a room where it's nine in the afternoon
And we know that it could be
And we know that it should
And you know that you feel it too

[Chorus]
'Cause it's nine in the afternoon and
Your eyes are the size of the moon
You could 'cause you can so you do
We're feeling so good
Just the way that we do
When it's nine in the Afternoon

Your eyes are size of the moon
You could 'cause you can so you do
We're feeling so good

Back to the street
Down to our feet
Losing the feeling of feeling unique
Do you know what I mean?!

Back to the place
Where we used to say
Man it feels good to feel this way
Now I know what I mean

Back to the street, back to the place
Back to the room where it all began
Hey!
Back to the room where it all began

[Chorus]
'Cause it's nine in the afternoon
Your eyes are the size of the moon
You could 'cause you can so you do
We're feeling so good
Just the way that we do

When it's nine in the afternoon
Your eyes are the size of the moon
You could 'cause you can so you do
We're feeling so good
Just the way that we do
When it's nine in the afternoon

[A Capella]
Your eyes are the size of the moon
You could 'cause you can so you do
We're feeling so good
Just the way that we do
When it's nine in the afternoon

ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
ohhhhhhhhhhhh

I (heart) Postal Service!

2008-04-29T14:27:00.000-07:00

This is me... Especially the part about life in words to an extent that is absurd...

"Clark Gable"

I was waiting for a cross-town train in the London underground when it struck me
That I've been waiting since birth to find a love that would look and sound like a movie
So I changed my plans and rented a camera and a van and then I called you
"I need you to pretend that we are in love again" and you agreed to

I want so badly to believe that "there is truth, that love is real"
And I want life in every word to the extent that it's absurd

I greased the lens and framed the shot using a friend as my stand-in
The script it called for rain but it was clear that day so we faked it
The marker snapped and I yelled "quiet on the set" and then called "action!"
And I kissed you in a style that Clark Gable would have admired (I thought it classic)

I want so badly to believe that "there is truth, that love is real"
And I want life in every word to the extent that it's absurd

I know you're wise beyond your years, but do you ever get the fear
That your perfect verse is just a lie you tell yourself to help you get by?

I'm baaack!

2008-04-17T10:49:00.000-07:00

I haven't forgotten you, sweet blog! I am very upset that I missed an entire month, but I was dealing with massive computer issues. I did however think of a gazillian songs I'd like to post during that time I was away.

I'll start with this one, dedicated to my newly engaged best-friend. I really am so happy for you! Try not to let the people speaking out against it bother you too much... It's your guys' decision and you have the power to make this work. :)

Baby It's Fact
HelloGoodBye

Just in case their wondering
They've got us pinned terribly
They don't believe our love is real
Cause they don't know how real love feels
You should know it's true
Just now, the part about my love for you
And how my heart's about burst
Into a thousand pieces
Oh it must be true
And They'll believe us to soon
Baby, it's fact
That our love is true
The way black is black
And blue is just blue
My love is true
It's a matter of fact
Oh, and you love me too
It's as simple as that
Baby, our love is true

They may say some awful things
But there's no point in listening
Your words are the only words
That I believe in afterwards.
You should know it's true
Just now, the part about my love for you
And how my heart's about burst
Into a thousand pieces
Oh it must be true
And They'll believe us to soon
Baby, it's fact
That our love is true
The way black is black
And blue is just blue
My love is true
It's a matter of fact
Oh, and you love me too
It's as simple as that
Baby, our love is true

It's true
Oh oh oh
It's true
Oh oh oh
It's true
Oh oh oh
It's true
Whoa oh oh

Baby, it's fact
That our love is true
The way black is black
And blue is just blue
My love is true
It's a matter of fact
Oh, and you love me too
It's as simple as that

Baby, it's fact
That our love is true
The way black is black
And blue is just blue
My love is true
It's a matter of fact
Oh, and you love me too
It's as simple as that

Baby, it's fact
Our love is true
Baby, it's fact
Our love is true
Ohhh
Baby, it's fact
Our love is true
Baby, it's fact
Ohhh
Baby, it's fact
Our love
Our love is true

Man, I know there are lots of movies about nerdy girls being picked by popular boys so it's only time that the pendulum swings the other way, but what about the nerdy girl who just wants a nerdy boy? o.O sigh... Fallout boy's Dance, Dance came closest to that that I've seen. (Or the nerdy boy who wants the nerdy girl... that's why all those John Hughes movies suck. Poor Ducky... :( )

For you!

2008-02-23T15:32:00.001-08:00

*grin* We are gonna attempt to sing this song as a duet. Somehow I have the feeling I'll end up with the dudes part, mostly because I can't sing very high. Damn smoking. :) (Note, everyone says I sing better since I started though, so maybe the giving up on the high notes was a good thing....)

(Apparently it has a beheading in it, so I will not be viewing this particular video....)

Damien Rice
Nine Crimes

Leave me out with the waste
This is not what I do
It's the wrong kind of place
To be thinking of you
It's the wrong time
For somebody new
It's a small crime
And I've got no excuse

Is that alright?
Give my gun away when it's loaded
Is that alright?
If you don't shoot it how am I supposed to hold it
Is that alright?
Give my gun away when it's loaded
Is that alright, yeah, with you?

Leave me out with the waste
This is not what I do
It's the wrong kind of place
To be cheating on you
It's the wrong time
she's pulling me through
It's a small crime
And I've got no excuse

Is that alright?
Give my gun away when it's loaded
Is that alright?
If you don't shoot it how am I supposed to hold it
Is that alright?
Give my gun away when it's loaded
Is that alright
Is that alright with you?

Is that alright?
Give my gun away when it's loaded
Is that alright?
If you don't shoot it how am I supposed to hold it
Is that alright?
Give my gun away when it's loaded
Is that alright
Is that alright with you?

Is that alright, yeah?
Is that alright, yeah?
Is that alright yeah?
Is that alright,
Is that alright,
Is that alright with you?

No...

Lucy in the Sky

2008-02-07T17:59:00.001-08:00

God...I loved Across the Universe. Too much maybe. :) As if I wasn't already a Beatles Fangirl. *sigh* Back in my good little girl days, I used to wish that I had been born in time for the 60s. Then I got older and dated my ex and read Nation of Rebels and changed my mind. Across the Universe may have changed my mind back again...

All My Loving
Jim Sturgess (Cover of the Beatles from AtU)

Close your eyes and I'll kiss you,
Tomorrow I'll miss you;
Remember I'll always be true.
And then while I'm away,
I'll write home every day,
And I'll send all my loving to you.

I'll pretend That I'm kissing
the lips I am missing
And hope that my dreams will come true.
And then while I'm away,
I'll write home every day,
[ Lyrics found at www.mp3lyrics.org/ex ]
And I'll send all my loving to you.

All my loving I will send to you.
All my loving, darling I'll be true.

Close your eyes and I'll kiss you,
Tomorrow I'll miss you;
Remember I'll always be true.
And then while I'm away,
I'll write home every day,
And I'll send all my loving to you.

All my loving I will send to you.
All my loving, darling I'll be true.
All my loving All my loving you,
All my loving I will send to you.

Where Is The Love?

2008-02-06T19:18:00.000-08:00

I was watching the Will.i.am video for the Obama campaign and saw that he had two videos posted. I went to check it out and he had uploaded the Black Eyed Peas video for Where is The Love. It had been awhile since I had heard the song, so I decided to watch it. I had forgotten how powerful it was, and was instantly transported to the memories of listening to it Freshman year. I've changed so much, and yet more than ever, this song speaks to my heart. Where is the love? Why must so many things divide us, when essentially we are all searching for the same basic things. Age old questions, I know, but time hasn't made them easier. In fact, my academic career has only served to throw them into greater relief. *sigh*

Black Eyed Peas
Where is the Love?

What’s wrong with the world mama?
People living like aint got no mamas
I think the whole worlds addicted to the drama
Only attracted to the things that bring you trauma
Overseas yeah we tryin to stop terrorism
But we still got terrorists here livin
In the USA the big CIA the Bloodz and the Crips and the KKK
But if you only have love for your own race
Then you only leave space to discriminate
And to discriminate only generates hate
And if you hatin you’re bound to get irate
Yeah madness is what you demonstrate
And that’s exactly how anger works and operates
You gotta have love just to set it straight
Take control of your mind and meditate
Let your soul gravitate to the love y’all

People killing people dying
Children hurtin you hear them crying
Can you practice what you preach
Would you turn the other cheek?
Father Father Father help us
Send some guidance from above
Cause people got me got me questioning
Where is the love?(where is the lovex3)(the love2x)

It just ain’t the same all ways have changed
New days are strange is the world the insane?
If love and peace so strong
Why are there pieces of love that don’t belong
Nations dropping bombs
Chemical gases filling lungs of little ones
With ongoing suffering
As the youth die young
So ask yourself is the loving really strong?
So I can ask myself really what is going wrong
With this world that we living in
People keep on giving in
Makin wrong decisions
Only visions of them livin and
Not respecting each other
Deny thy brother
The wars’ going on but the reasons’ undercover
The truth is kept secret
Swept under the rug
If you never know truth
Then you never know love
Where’s the love y’all?(I don’t know)
Where’s the truth y’all?(I don’t know)
Where’s the love y’all?

People killing people dying
Children hurtin you hear them crying
Can practice what you preach
Would you turn the other cheek?
Father father father help us
Send some guidance from above
Cause people got me got me questioning
Where is the love?(where is the lovex3)(the lovex2)

I feel the weight of the world on my shoulder
As I’m getting older y’all people get colder
Most of us only care about money makin
Selfishness got us followin the wrong direction
Wrong information always shown by the media
Negative images is the main criteria
Infecting their young minds faster than bacteria
Kids wanna act like what the see in the cinema
Whatever happened to the values of humanity
Whatever happened to the fairness and equality
Instead of spreading love, we’re spreading anomosity
Lack of understanding, leading us away from unity
That’s the reason why sometimes I’m feeling under
That’s the reason why sometimes I’m feeling down
It’s no wonder why sometimes I’m feeling under
I gotta keep my faith alive, until love is found

Revolutions

2008-02-05T16:13:00.000-08:00

I was canvassing for Obama this last weekend, which brought this song to the forefront of my mind. Do I think he is going to be revolutionary? (In the traditional sense that is, more on that later) No, probably not... Yet, I appreciate his message of hope. Because, as one of my pet theories of late posits, part of the problem with the Hippie movement was that it seemed to teach society the wrong messages. (And apparently in the world wars as well, since that was the topic of one of my more recent posts. Heh...I repeat myself a lot...)

When change didn't immediately result, from their "lets change ourselves" movement or worse the changes seemed to be away from what was desired, change became an unattainable goal. The best kind of change, however, is usually a gradual one. People do not like to have their comfort zones breeched, and often conflict results when change is obvious.

That doesn't mean the revolution is not needed, but perhaps we ought to quietly work for a silent revolution. We ought to lay the groundworks of change, slowly integrating the change into society quietly, nonviolently. And perhaps...maybe... Obama could help that.

Revolution
The Beatles (Yeah man!)

You say you want a revolution
Well, you know
We all want to change the world
You tell me that it's evolution
Well, you know
We all want to change the world
But when you talk about destruction
Don't you know that you can count me out
Don't you know it's gonna be all right
all right, all right

You say you got a real solution
Well, you know
We'd all love to see the plan
You ask me for a contribution
Well, you know
We're doing what we can
But when you want money
for people with minds that hate
All I can tell is brother you have to wait
Don't you know it's gonna be all right
all right, all right
Ah

ah, ah, ah, ah, ah...

You say you'll change the constitution
Well, you know
We all want to change your head
You tell me it's the institution
Well, you know
You better free you mind instead
But if you go carrying pictures of chairman Mao
You ain't going to make it with anyone anyhow
Don't you know it's gonna be all right
all right, all right
all right, all right, all right
all right, all right, all right

It's Science Man

2008-01-28T19:15:00.000-08:00

Hmph. I kinda miss the days when I had no internet in class. I'd probably be bored at this moment, but I might comprehend a bit more if I weren't getting side tracked by further research.

But it's a stupid "Look how we're teaching the honors students science" class. People are just going off on topics that interest them, and useful information is rather slight. Or maybe it's just because I didn't do the readings. Heh...

Anyway, we were talking about Atoms and Quantum Mechanics, and I thought of ... The Neutron Dance!

Hahaha, it's a song, AND a dance. :)

(Side Note: Does anyone else remember some tv show about this dancer chick and this good ole' boy from the midwest who got married in Vegas after knowing each other for a very short period of time? I believe this song was the theme song...)

Pointer Sisters
Neutron Dance

I don't want to take it anymore
I'll just stay here locked behind the door
Just no time to stop and get away
'Cause I work so hard to make it everyday

Whoo oooh
Whoo oooh

There's no money falling from the sky
'Cause a man took my heart and robbed me blind
Someone stole my brand new Chevrolet
And the rent is due, I got no place to stay

Whoo oooh
Whoo oooh

(Chorus:)
And it's hard to say
Just how some things never change
And it's hard to find
Any strength to draw the line
I'm just burning doin' the neutron dance
I'm just burning doin' the neutron dance

Industry don't pay a price that's fair
All the common people breathing filthy air
Roof caved in on all the simple dreams
And to get ahead your heart starts pumping schemes

Chorus

Whoo oooh
Whoo oooh
I'm on fire
I'm on fire

Chorus

I know there's a pot of gold for me
All I got to do is just believe
I'm so happy doin' the neutron dance
And I'm just burning doin' the neutron dance
I'm so happy doin' the neutron dance
I'm just burning doin' the neutron dance

Cross-Continental Music Influence

2008-01-18T10:26:00.000-08:00

I fell in love with Mando Diao after seeing the music video for Good Morning Herr Horst on MTV in the "Spieliotech" where I hung out in Germany. I've previously posted that song here, but had not listened much to the rest of the album after I obtained it. But just last night, I replaced my stolen iPod last night with a shiny used 30 gig black one! In listening to it on my way home, I discovered the substantial awesomeness of some of their other songs. Here, for your listening pleasure today, is Ode to Ochrasy. This song really touches home to me!

Mando Diao
Ode To Ochrasy
Ochrasy

I feel dizzy all laid back and I'm too blind to see
What's going on outside my lonely window
I'm turning on the TV screen watch the news for a while
Then I fall back to sleep again

And I'm dreaming 'bout times, times that are gone
Times when I lived alone in my own land called ochrasy
That place was everything to me
The world I made it up you see
It's all there in my fantasy
And I believe it

I'm waking up again and see that war on screen again
And it makes me want to go and hide
This world is full of misery, the anger is too big to see
That's why I had to dream this dream

I was dreaming 'bout times, times that are gone
Times when I lived alone in my own land called ochrasy
That place was everything to me
The world I made it up you see
It's all there in my fantasy
And I believe it

Now they come again all these soldiers without shame
Dressed in black an equipped with fire
They can stop our happy days and put us in the graves
But never reach the ochrasy

I'm waking up again and see that war on screen again
And it makes me want to go and hide
This world is full of misery the anger is too big to see
That's why I had to dream this dream

Now if only we could dream the dream and then work to find a way to create it. It makes me sad sometimes that perhaps we've taken the wrong lessens from the world wars. I need to do more study before I try to speak authoritatively on the subject, but there seems to have been a shift away from attempting to create utopianistic* philosophies in the wake of what such things created in Germany during WWII, Soviet Russia, etc. Now I can understand that utopia is perhaps impossible...maybe even not something that we, as we are today, could even collectively desire. Still, the sense of powerlessness that this song embodies -that we can only dream of a good world and do nothing about the one we are in, seems (dare I say it) almost as bad as the past we are running from.

And enough philosophy ranting from me. I've noticed most of my hits come from people looking for lyrics, not my own eclectic style of rants related to said songs. Of course, should I tailor my writing to who reads this? This blog has mostly been a personal thing for me, compared to my other blogs that have been happily tied in to school networks. Usually I want feedback from my friends and write in order to share information with them. Here, I write for no particular reason, other than my own whim. Heck, while it's hard to notice since I sometimes have gaps of months where I don't update, I even "shut this blog down" for a period because of an ex who suddenly decided to read it. This is my blog, for me! I'm not beholden to any formula or any posting schedule. Well, aside from my self imposed "let's quote something" aspect, that usually means music. Unless I feel like just ranting. Then I'll just rant. :)

And goodness...I spend lots of time musing about this issue. And my hits number in the tens, even now. *sigh* Delusions of grandeur much?

*Not a real word...yes, I know. I'm too lazy to think of a better way to phrase it.

Uhm...

2008-01-15T18:44:00.000-08:00

So, it's odd, but this blog has been getting way more hits lately. (And since I've not been in a writing mood, *way* more hits than my normal blog) Heh...the years of randomly posting songs are apparently generating google traffic.

After meditating on the meanness of the Sick Puppies when they did a show at my'lil'ole work compared to their relative lack of fame (plus the "we love the world" kind of publicity that made them popular), I am reluctant to post this song, but it reflects my current melancholy, so here you go...

(Not a big fan of this one, but most of the videos try to be clever and cut in sound from whatever video source that they are linking to the song. Edit: After actually watching the whole of the video and ignoring the source content, it's actually really good for a fan video! Goes to show for judging a book by its cover!)

My World

The Sick Puppies

I'm not comin' back
I'm not gonna react
I'm not doin' shit for you.
I'm not sittin' around while you are tearin' it down around us.
I'm not livin' a lie while you swim in denial
'Cause you're already dead and gone
You leave me out on the curb just like everyone else before you.

Welcome to my world
Where everyone I ever need always ends up leaving me alone.
Another lesson burned
And I'm drowning in the ashes
Kicking
Screaming
Welcome to my world

I don't care what you think I'm not seeing a shrink.
I'm not doing this again.
I'm not another student or a mother to take your shit out on
So let's see what you got, let's see what you're not
And what ever else you pretend
You've defended my intentions long enough

Welcome to my world
Where everyone I ever need always ends up leaving me alone.

Another lesson burned
And I'm drowning in the ashes
Kicking
Screaming
Welcome to my world

So here I am again.
In the middle of the end.
And the choice I wish I made
I always make too late

Welcome to my world
Where everyone I ever need always ends up leaving me alone.
Another lesson burned
And I'm drowning in the ashes
Kicking
Screaming
Welcome to my world.

My world
My world (welcome to my world)
My world
My world (welcome to my world)
My world
Welcome baby.

Cultural Mashing...

2007-12-15T14:37:00.000-08:00

Uhm...I've never seen an "anime fan video" mash-up that made less sense than this particular one that sets some Sailor Moon footage to Johnny Cash's "One Piece at a Time"

I just wanted to hear the song, I wasn't planning on watching the video, but...uhm. Wow...

One Piece at a Time
Johnny Cash

Well, I left Kentucky back in '49
An' went to Detroit workin' on a 'sembly line
The first year they had me puttin' wheels on cadillacs

Every day I'd watch them beauties roll by
And sometimes I'd hang my head and cry
'Cause I always wanted me one that was long and black.

One day I devised myself a plan
That should be the envy of most any man
I'd sneak it out of there in a lunchbox in my hand
Now gettin' caught meant gettin' fired
But I figured I'd have it all by the time I retired
I'd have me a car worth at least a hundred grand.

CHORUS
I'd get it one piece at a time
And it wouldn't cost me a dime
You'll know it's me when I come through your town
I'm gonna ride around in style
I'm gonna drive everybody wild
'Cause I'll have the only one there is a round.

So the very next day when I punched in
With my big lunchbox and with help from my friends
I left that day with a lunch box full of gears
Now, I never considered myself a thief
GM wouldn't miss just one little piece
Especially if I strung it out over several years.

The first day I got me a fuel pump
And the next day I got me an engine and a trunk
Then I got me a transmission and all of the chrome
The little things I could get in my big lunchbox
Like nuts, an' bolts, and all four shocks
But the big stuff we snuck out in my buddy's mobile home.

Now, up to now my plan went all right
'Til we tried to put it all together one night
And that's when we noticed that something was definitely wrong.

The transmission was a '53
And the motor turned out to be a '73
And when we tried to put in the bolts all the holes were gone.

So we drilled it out so that it would fit
And with a little bit of help with an A-daptor kit
We had that engine runnin' just like a song
Now the headlight' was another sight
We had two on the left and one on the right
But when we pulled out the switch all three of 'em come on.

The back end looked kinda funny too
But we put it together and when we got thru
Well, that's when we noticed that we only had one tail-fin
About that time my wife walked out
And I could see in her eyes that she had her doubts
But she opened the door and said "Honey, take me for a spin."

So we drove up town just to get the tags
And I headed her right on down main drag
I could hear everybody laughin' for blocks around
But up there at the court house they didn't laugh
'Cause to type it up it took the whole staff
And when they got through the title weighed sixty pounds.

CHORUS
I got it one piece at a time
And it didn't cost me a dime
You'll know it's me when I come through your town
I'm gonna ride around in style
I'm gonna drive everybody wild
'Cause I'll have the only one there is around.

(Spoken) Ugh! Yow, RED RYDER
This is the COTTON MOUTH
In the PSYCHO-BILLY CADILLAC Come on

Huh, This is the COTTON MOUTH
And negatory on the cost of this mow-chine there RED RYDER
You might say I went right up to the factory
And picked it up, it's cheaper that way
Ugh!, what model is it?

Well, It's a '49, '50, '51, '52, '53, '54, '55, '56
'57, '58' 59' automobile
It's a '60, '61, '62, '63, '64, '65, '66, '67
'68, '69, '70 automobile.

iTunes Random Mix is Psychic!

2007-12-10T00:35:00.000-08:00

Mwahaha...The song below showed up on random on my iTunes. A friend sitting with me, had just been telling me about her relationship issues. This song described things perfectly. How odd...

Apple Shampoo
Blink 182

She didn't mean to deceive you, believe me
But sometimes the hardest part is conceiving

The good intentions that you had
Now only came to this
And although she saw the mark
The arrow missed

It isn't exciting reciting the stories
Of kind words turned hurting when routine gets boring

Both getting tired of punk rock clubs
And both playing in punk rock bands
The start was something good
But some good things must end

And she said, "It could never survive
With such differing lives
One home, one out on tour again

We may never come back
The strike of a match
The candle's burning at both ends."

And now she knows too much
And I'm too fucked up
It's awkward trying to make my move

I'll pretend that I'm fine
Show up right on time
But I know I'll never be that cool

I never wanted to hold you back
I just wanted to hold on
But my chance is gone

I know / just where / I stand / a boy
Trapped in the body of a man and

I'll take what you're willing to give
And I'll teach myself to live
With a walk-on part of a background shot
From a movie I'm not in

She's so important
And I'm so retarded

And now I realize
I should have kissed you in L.A.
But I drove home all alone
As if I had a choice, anyway

Where are you coming from?
What are you running from?
Is it so hard to see?

And if you're feeling scared
Remember the time we shared
You know it meant everything (everything)
You know that it meant everything to me

You know that it meant everything to me

Must post...

2007-11-26T13:36:00.000-08:00

So it's been over a month, and I don't want to let November go by without a song. This isn't really related to anything, but we were discussing this song in class and I decided that it'd be fun to post. So here you are!

Sweet
Ballroom Blitz

Are you ready, Steve? Aha.
Andy? Yeah! Mick? OK.
Alright, fellas, let's go!

Oh it's been getting so hard
Livin' with the things you do to me, aha
Oh my dreams are getting so strange
I'd like to tell you everything I see
Oh, I see a man at the back
As a matter of fact his eyes are red as the sun
And a girl in the corner let no one ignore her
'Cause she thinks she's the passionate one

Oh, yeah, it was like lightning, everybody was frightening
And the music was soothing, and they all started grooving

Refrain:
Yeah, Yeah, Yeah, Yeah, Yeah
And the man at the back said
Everyone attack and it turned into a ballroom blitz
And the girl in the corner said
Boy, I wanna warn ya, it'll turn into a ballroom blitz
Ballroom blitz, ballroom blitz, ballroom blitz
Ballroom blitz

I'm reaching out for something
Touching nothing's all I ever do
Oh, I softly call you over
When you appear there's nothing left of you, aha
Now the man in the back
Is ready to crack as he raises his hands to the sky
And the girl in the corner is ev'ryone's mourner
She could kill you with a wink of her eye

Oh yeah, it was electric, so frightfully hectic
And the band started leaving, 'cause they all stopped breathing

Refrain

Oh yeah, it was like lightning, everybody was frightening
And the music was soothing, and they all started grooving

Refrain

It's it's a ballroom blitz, it's it's a ballroom blitz
It's it's a ballroom blitz, yeah, it's a ballroom blitz

CREEPY!

2007-10-21T21:38:00.000-07:00

So, uhm... not that anyone reads this blog, but if any kiddies find this page, I don't recommend watching the video below. It's rather "R" rated.

Anyway... while looking for something to watch this fine Sunday Evening, I found Sin City on Spike TV. It's been quite some time since I saw it, so I decided to make it my evening movie. I forgot how horribly eerie Elijah Wood is in this movie...

The above scene reminded me... The rest are just more disturbing, as those of you who have scene the film well know.

Ewwww!

And yet this movie is beautiful...

Of Shakespeare and the Charleston

2007-10-19T20:50:00.000-07:00

I am the fool, Feste and the other fool-like character, Fabian in our school's production of Twelfth Night. It's rather exciting, as it's the biggest part I've had so far. The thing is, it is set in the 20s. And as part of my character exploration, I'm trying to learn how to do a proper 20s Charleston...

This video has been partially helpful.

I figured I ought to tend to the "dance" part of my blog, as for now it is just a catchy sounding name. That, and being without my iPod has meant I've mostly stuck to radio music lately. And nothing has been particularly blog worthy so far. I mean, I'm pretty sure everyone who listens to the radio is just about as tired of "Paralyzer" and the latest Foo Fighters as I am... (No matter how much I initially liked them...)

Good ole Music Television

2007-09-07T10:54:00.000-07:00

Feelin' much better about life. Yay. :)

Motion City Soundtrack
Broken Heart

I’ll start this broken heart
I’ll fix it up so it will work again
Better than before
Then I’ll star in a mystery
A tragic tale of all that’s yet to come
Fingers crossed there will be love

But I get carried away with every day
And every fantasy
the deeper the wound,
the harder i swoon and wish that that was me

So much to say
But no words to convey
The loneliness building with each passing day
But I’m getting used to it, you have to get used to it

I’ll devise the best disguise
A brand new look and take them by surprise
They’ll never guess what’s not inside

I’ll express myself with ease,
With confidence and character complete
With fingers crossed they’ll talk to me
[Broken Heart lyrics on http://www.metrolyrics.com]

But I get carried away with every page
In every magazine
The cheaper the thrill
the deeper I fill my head with blasphemy

So much to say
But No words to convey
The loneliness building with each passing day
But I’m getting used to it, you have to get used to it

I’ll destroy this useless heart
I’ll fuck it up so it’ll never beat again
Not just for me but for anyone

But I get carried away
with every phrase and made up melody
The longer I hide behind these lies,
The more I disintegrate

So much to say
But no words to convey
The loneliness building with each passing day
But I never get used to it, you just have to live with it

Old School

2007-08-20T17:46:00.000-07:00

Back in the day, I posted whatever I liked here. Mostly it was lyrics, but sometimes not. Now has come the time for another "somethimes not"

Excerpt from William Makepeace Thakery's Vaniy Fair.

"To death she looked with inexpressible longing. Then, she thought, I shall always be able to follow him. I am not praising her conduct or setting her up as a model for Miss Bullock to imitate. Miss B. knows how to regulate her feelings better than this poor little creature. Miss B. would never have committed herself as that imprudent Amelia had done; pledged her love irretrievably; confessed her heart away, and got back nothing -- only a brittle promise which was snapped and worthless in a moment. A long engagement is a partnership which one party is free to keep or to break, but which involves all the capital of the other.
Be cautious then, young ladies; be wary how you engage. Be shy of loving frankly; never tell all you feel, or ( a better way still) feel ver little. See the consequences of being prematurely honest and confiding, and mistrust yourselves and everybody. Get yourselves married as they do in France, where the lawyers are the bridesmaids and confidantes. At any rate, never have any feelings whihc may make you uncomfortable, or make any promises which you cannot at any required moment command and withdraw. That is the way to get on, and be respected, and have a virtuous character in Vanity Fair."

Heh, my internet is sketchy right now, so I can't look up the exact publishing date, but it seems that it was written in the mid 1800s. How astute it seems though, for today's world of relationships. *Sigh*

Holy Crap!

2007-08-13T01:57:00.000-07:00

This song is the most accurate portrayal of my last relationship that I have ever heard!

The Music Video is gorgeous also. :)

Almost Lover
A Fine Frenzy

Your fingertips across my skin
The palm trees swaying in the wind
Images
You sang me Spanish lullabies
The sweetest sadness in your eyes
Clever trick

Well, I never want to see you unhappy
I thought you'd want the same for me

[Chorus]
Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I'm trying not to think about you
Can't you just let me be?
So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
Should've known you'd bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do

We walked along a crowded street
You took my hand and danced with me
Images
And when you left, you kissed my lips
You told me you would never, ever forget
These images

Well, I'd never want to see you unhappy
I thought you'd want the same for me

[Chorus]
Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I'm trying not to think about you
Can't you just let me be?
So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
Should've known you'd bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do

I cannot go to the ocean
I cannot drive the streets at night
I cannot wake up in the morning
Without you on my mind
So you're gone and I'm haunted
And I bet you are just fine

Did I make it that
Easy to walk right in and out
Of my life?

[Chorus]
Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I'm trying not to think about you
Can't you just let me be?
So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
Should've known you'd bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do

Will it ever end?

2007-08-12T01:26:00.001-07:00

Perhaps this whole being completly cut off thing is for the better. I sorta circumvented it the other day and now I'm feeling meloncholy again. :(

Didn't help that the group doing the music at my work tonight played mellow sad stuff.

The song below always gives me goosebumps. It doesn't usually make me cry as I'm in the middle of trying to deal with customers and make an italian soda. Heh....

There are music videos for this song that have the real artist playing, but I prefer the above AMV as I like the studio version best.

Hallelujah
(John Cale Version)

I've heard there was a secret chord
That David played and it pleased the Lord
But you don't really care for music, do you?
It goes like this
The fourth, the fifth
The minor fall, the major lift
The baffled king composing hallelujah

Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah

Your faith was strong, but you needed proof
You saw her bathing on the roof
Her beauty and the moonlight overthrew you
She tied you
To a kitchen chair
She broke your throne, she cut your hair
And from your lips she drew the hallelujah

Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah

Baby, I've been here before, I know this room
I've walked this floor
I used to live alone before I knew you
I've seen your flag on the marble arch
Love is not a victory march
Its a cold and its a broken hallelujah

Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah

There was a time you let me know
What's really going on below
But now you never show it to me, do you?
I remember when I moved in you
And the holy dove was moving too
And every breath we drew was hallelujah

Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah

Maybe there's a God above, all I ever learned from love
Was how to shoot at someone who out drew you
And it's not a cry you can hear at night
It's not somebody who's seen the light
It's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah

Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah

So True...

2007-07-19T09:37:00.000-07:00

Papa Roach
Forever

In the brightest hour of my darkest day
I realized what is wrong with me
Can't get over you. can't get through to you
It's been a helter-skelter romance from the start
Take these memories that are Haunting me
Of a paper man cut into shreds by his own pair of scissors
He'll never forgive her...he'll never forgive her...

Because days come and go but my feelings for you are forever
Because days come and go but my feelings for you are forever

Sitting by a fire on a lonely night
Hanging over from another good time
With another girl... little dirty girl
You should listen to this story of a life
You're my heroine-in this moment I'm lonely fulfilling my darkest dreams
All these drugs all these women
I'm never forgiven... this broken heart of mine

Because days come and go but my feelings for you are forever,
Because days come and go but my feelings for you are forever

One last kiss,
before I go
Dry your tears,
it is time to let you go

One last kiss (one last kiss)
Before I go (before I go)
Dry your tears (dry your tears)
It is Time to let you go

Because days come and go, but my feelings for you are forever
Because days come and go, but my feelings for you are forever

One last kiss (one last kiss)
Before I go (before I go)
Dry your tears (dry your tears)
It is time to let you go

One last kiss,
Before I go,
Dry your tears,
it is time to let you go,
One last kiss

No more boys

2007-07-17T07:52:00.000-07:00

I'm going to try to avoid boys for awhile. I don't know if I can shut off that part of my brain completely, but I'd like to learn to ignore it. All of them are trouble. Even explaining in as plain of English as I can manage that I'm not going to be up for any sort of a relationship thing for quite some time hasn't helped. They still seem to be hovering at my feet like puppies waiting to pounce, occasionally trying to jump again, as if since it's been five minutes quite some time is over.

I don't know why I like this song so much. It probably would have made feel all sad and miss America a few months ago, but hearing it now it holds no special meaning. But it's pretty, so here it is.

Plain White T's
Hey There Delilah

Hey there Delilah
What's it like in New York City?
I'm a thousand miles away
But girl tonight you look so pretty
Yes you do
Times Square can't shine as bright as you
I swear it's true

Hey there Delilah
Don't you worry about the distance
I'm right there if you get lonely
Give this song another listen
Close your eyes
Listen to my voice it's my disguise
I'm by your side

Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
What you do to me

Hey there Delilah
I know times are getting hard
But just believe me girl
Someday I'll pay the bills with this guitar
We'll have it good
We'll have the life we knew we would
My word is good

Hey there Delilah
I've got so much left to say
If every simple song I wrote to you
Would take your breath away
I'd write it all
Even more in love with me you'd fall
We'd have it all

Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me

A thousand miles seems pretty far
But they've got planes and trains and cars
I'd walk to you if I had no other way
Our friends would all make fun of us
and we'll just laugh along because we know
That none of them have felt this way
Delilah I can promise you
That by the time we get through
The world will never ever be the same
And you're to blame

Hey there Delilah
You be good and don't you miss me
Two more years and you'll be done with school
And I'll be making history like I do
You'll know it's all because of you
We can do whatever we want to
Hey there Delilah here's to you
This ones for you

Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
What you do to me.

Thought of this Song, all of the sudden

2007-06-27T22:56:00.000-07:00

(My god, this was so hard to find. Apparently no one at YouTube can spell "I don't wanna rock" without f*ing it up somehow.)

Bowling For Soup
I Don't Wanna Rock

It really sucks to give your heart to a girl
You want to know her like she knows the whole world
But 10 seconds in, it's obvious, your going nowhere...

She makes you tell her that she's your best friend
You tell her things you know won't make her mad
Don't want to be the one to say things are going nowhere...

Where are you now?
Where are you now?

I don't wanna talk
I don't wanna rock
I don't wanna wait by the phone, and,
I don't wanna tell you I love you
don't wanna tell you I love you, anymore!!!

It's hard to live outside her safety zone
Cause you remember being all alone
Two kinds of misery and either way, you're going nowhere...

Where are you now?
Where are you now?

I don't wanna talk
I don't wanna rock
I don't wanna wait by the phone, and,
I don't wanna tell you I love you
don't wanna tell you I love you, anymore!!!

And she makes me want to be a homosexual
Maybe I'll be her best friend, maybe see her naked once in a while

I don't wanna talk
I don't wanna rock
I don't wanna talk
I don't wanna rock
I don't wanna wait by the phone, and,
I don't wanna tell you I love you
don't wanna tell you I love you, anymore!!!

(Really, the only applicable part is "it really sucks to give your heart to a...")

My Life

2007-06-22T21:11:00.000-07:00

Heh, this feels like me. I almost had you, my life was almost great. Now I don't know what to do with myself, I'm working a job I hate and there is a warrant out for my arrest. (No worries, it's just for an unpaid ticket that I couldn't afford to pay.)

Life...

(The authentic video doesn't allow embedding, but here's the link in case you want the real deal)

Bowling For Soup
Almost

I almost got drunk at school at 14
Where I almost made out with the Homecoming Queen
Who almost went on to be miss Texas
But lost to a slut with much bigger breastas
I almost dropped out to move to LA
Where I was almost famous for almost a day

And I almost had you
But I guess that doesn't cut it
Almost loved you
I almost wished you woulda loved me too

I almost held up a grocery store
Where I almost did five years and then seven more
Cause I almost got bopped for a fight with a thug
Cause he almost made off with a bunch of good drugs
That I almost got hooked on cause you ran away
And I wish I would have had the nerve to ask you to stay

And I almost had you
But I guess that doesn't cut it
almost had you
And I didn't even know it

And you kept me guessing
And now I'm destined
To spend my time missing you
I almost wish you woulda loved me too

Here I go thinkin' about all the things I could have done
I'm gonna need a forklift cuz all the baggage weighs a ton
I know we had our problems, I can't remember one.

I almost forgot to say something else
And if I can't fit it in I'll keep it all to myself
I almost wrote a song about you today
But I tore it all up and then I threw it away

And I almost had you
But I guess that doesn't cut it
almost had you
And I didn't even know it

You kept me guessin'
And now I'm destined
To spend my time missin' you
And I almost had you
Almost had you
Almost had you

I almost wished you woulda loved me too
wished you woulda loved me too

*sigh*

It comes and goes

2007-06-21T18:58:00.000-07:00

And right now it is coming. :(

Linkin Park
My December

This is my December
This is my time of the year
This is my December
This is all so clear

This is my December
This is my snow covered home
This is my December
This is me alone

And I
just wish that I didn't feel
like there was something i missed
And I
take back all the things I said
to make you feel like that
And I
just wish that I didn't feel
like there was something I missed
And I
take back all the things I said to you

And I give it all away
just to have somewhere to go to
Give it all away
to have someone to come home to

This is my December
These are my snow covered dreams
This is me pretending
This is all i need

And I
just wish that I didn't feel
like there was something I missed
And I
take back all the things I said
to make you feel like that
And I
just wish that I didn't feel
like there was something I missed
And I
take back all the things I said to you

And I give it all away
just to have somewhere to go to
Give it all away
to have someone to come home to

This is my December
This is my time of the year
This is my December
This is all so clear

And I give it all away
just to have somewhere to go to
Give it all away
to have someone to come home to

Screw the Melodrama

2007-06-18T14:20:00.000-07:00

Heh... Now that he has decided it's in his own best interest to not have contact with me, my blogs are safe. Oddly enough, I no longer care.

So Yay! I am reopening this blog! Not that it was updated that frequently, but that's not the point. I had a replacement hidden away, but the effort to sign out and sign in with another name was bothersome so it has a few posts and that's it.

I come back with this, it seemed appropriate considering the amount of wasted time and emotions I spent on the 405 last year.

Death Cab for Cutie
405
I took the 405 and drilled a stake down into your center,
And stated that it's never ever been better than this.
I hung my favorite shirt on the floorboard, wrinkled up from pulling pushing and tasting.
You keep twisting the truth that keeps me thrown askew.
Misguided by the 405 'cause it lead me to an alcoholic summer.
I missed the exit to your parents' house hours ago.
Red wine and the cigarettes... hide your bad habits underneath the patio.

(Yes, it looks rather short, but bits of this are then repeated and broken up in various ways to create a 3 minute song. Rather like the lyrics that the lead singer uses for the Postal Service)

I'm Done

2007-04-26T11:36:00.000-07:00

Farewell sweet internet. This blog has been fun.

Semisonic
Closing Time

Closing time - time for you to go out, go out into the world.
Closing time - turn the lights up over every boy and every girl.
Closing time - one last call for alcohol, so finish your whiskey or beer.
Closing time - you don't have to go home but you can't stay here.

I know who I want to take me home.
I know who I want to take me home.
I know who I want to take me home.
Take me home...

Closing time - time for you to go back to the places you will be from.
Closing time - this room won't be open 'til your brothers or you sisters
come.
So gather up your jackets, and move it to the exits -
I hope you have found a friend.
Closing time - every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end.

Yeah, I know who I want to take me home.
I know who I want to take me home.
I know who I want to take me home.
Take me home...

Closing time - time for you to go back to the places you will be from...

I know who I want to take me home.
I know who I want to take me home.
I know who I want to take me home.
Take me home...

Closing time - every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end...

Fuck You

2007-04-24T20:47:00.000-07:00

I love the real video, but sadly, embedding is disabled. Here is the link to the authentic video, but I'll go ahead and post just the song to tide you over. :)

My Chemical Romance
Disenchanted

Well I was there on the day
They sold the cause for the queen,
And when the lights all went out
We watched our lives on the screen.
I hate the ending myself,
But it started with an alright scene.

It was the roar of the crowd
That gave me heartache to sing.
It was a lie when they smiled
And said, "you won't feel a thing"
And as we ran from the cops
We laughed so hard it would sting

Yeah yeah, oh

If I'm so wrong (so wrong, so wrong)
How can you listen all night long? (night long, night long)
Now will it matter after I'm gone?
Because you never learn a goddamned thing.

You're just a sad song with nothing to say
About a life long wait for a hospital stay
And if you think that I'm wrong,
This never meant nothing to ya

I spent my high school career
Spit on and shoved to agree
So I could watch all my heroes
Sell a car on tv
Bring out the old guillotine
We'll show 'em what we all mean.

Yeah yeah, oh

If I'm so wrong (so wrong, so wrong)
How can you listen all night long? (night long, night long)
Now will it matter long after I'm gone?
Because you never learn a goddamned thing.

You're just a sad song with nothing to say
About a life long wait for a hospital stay
And if you think that I'm wrong,
This never meant nothing to ya

So go, go away, just go, run away.
But where did you run to? And where did you hide?
Go find another way, price you pay

Woah, Woah, Woah, Woah, Woah, Woah

You're just a sad song with nothing to say
About a life long wait for a hospital stay
And if you think that I'm wrong,
This never meant nothing to ya, come on

You're just a sad song with nothing to say
About a life long wait for a hospital stay
And if you think that I'm wrong,
This never meant nothing to ya

At all, at all, at all, at all

Don't Know

2007-04-24T17:25:00.000-07:00

I'm not sure why I wanted to post this song, but I had a craving to post and I thought of this song...

However just as I was loading Blogger I thought of Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. Innit funny how differently you view movies after certain events in your life? The older I get, the more I have this odd conflict between the image of movies that I have from previous viewings and what I see when I watch them today. I don't think I could really handle watching that movie right now, but I think I finally understand the sentiment behind Jim Carrey's decision. We grow from our experiences, but what if I don't want to grow? :)

Don McLean
American Pie

A long, long time ago...
I can still remember
How that music used to make me smile.
And I knew if I had my chance
That I could make those people dance
And, maybe, they’d be happy for a while.

But February made me shiver
With every paper I’d deliver.
Bad news on the doorstep;
I couldn’t take one more step.

I can’t remember if I cried
When I read about his widowed bride,
But something touched me deep inside
The day the music died.

So bye-bye, miss American pie.
Drove my Chevy to the levee,
But the levee was dry.
And them good old boys were drinkin’ whiskey and rye
Singin’, "this’ll be the day that I die.
"this’ll be the day that I die."

Did you write the book of love,
And do you have faith in God above,
If the Bible tells you so?
Do you believe in rock ’n roll,
Can music save your mortal soul,
And can you teach me how to dance real slow?

Well, I know that you’re in love with him
`cause I saw you dancin’ in the gym.
You both kicked off your shoes.
Man, I dig those rhythm and blues.

I was a lonely teenage broncin’ buck
With a pink carnation and a pickup truck,
But I knew I was out of luck
The day the music died.

I started singin’,
"bye-bye, miss American pie."
Drove my Chevy to the levee,
But the levee was dry.
Them good old boys were drinkin’ whiskey and rye
And singin’, "this’ll be the day that I die.
"this’ll be the day that I die."

Now for ten years we’ve been on our own
And moss grows fat on a rollin’ stone,
But that’s not how it used to be.
When the jester sang for the king and queen,
In a coat he borrowed from James Dean
And a voice that came from you and me,

Oh, and while the king was looking down,
The jester stole his thorny crown.
The courtroom was adjourned;
No verdict was returned.
And while Lennon read a book of Marx,
The quartet practiced in the park,
And we sang dirges in the dark
The day the music died.

We were singing,
"bye-bye, miss American pie."
Drove my Chevy to the levee,
But the levee was dry.
Them good old boys were drinkin’ whiskey and rye
And singin’, "this’ll be the day that I die.
"this’ll be the day that I die."

Helter skelter in a summer swelter.
The birds flew off with a fallout shelter,
Eight miles high and falling fast.
It landed foul on the grass.
The players tried for a forward pass,
With the jester on the sidelines in a cast.

Now the half-time air was sweet perfume
While the sergeants played a marching tune.
We all got up to dance,
Oh, but we never got the chance!
`cause the players tried to take the field;
The marching band refused to yield.
Do you recall what was revealed
The day the music died?

We started singing,
"bye-bye, miss American pie."
Drove my Chevy to the levee,
But the levee was dry.
Them good old boys were drinkin’ whiskey and rye
And singin’, "this’ll be the day that I die.
"this’ll be the day that I die."

Oh, and there we were all in one place,
A generation lost in space
With no time left to start again.
So come on: jack be nimble, jack be quick!
Jack flash sat on a candlestick
Cause fire is the devil’s only friend.

Oh, and as I watched him on the stage
My hands were clenched in fists of rage.
No angel born in hell
Could break that Satan’s spell.
And as the flames climbed high into the night
To light the sacrificial rite,
I saw Satan laughing with delight
The day the music died

He was singing,
"bye-bye, miss American pie."
Drove my Chevy to the levee,
But the levee was dry.
Them good old boys were drinkin’ whiskey and rye
And singin’, "this’ll be the day that I die.
"this’ll be the day that I die."

I met a girl who sang the blues
And I asked her for some happy news,
But she just smiled and turned away.
I went down to the sacred store
Where I’d heard the music years before,
But the man there said the music wouldn’t play.

And in the streets: the children screamed,
The lovers cried, and the poets dreamed.
But not a word was spoken;
The church bells all were broken.
And the three men I admire most:
The father, son, and the holy ghost,
They caught the last train for the coast
The day the music died.

And they were singing,
"bye-bye, miss American pie."
Drove my Chevy to the levee,
But the levee was dry.
And them good old boys were drinkin’ whiskey and rye
Singin’, "this’ll be the day that I die.
"this’ll be the day that I die."

They were singing,
"bye-bye, miss American pie."
Drove my Chevy to the levee,
But the levee was dry.
Them good old boys were drinkin’ whiskey and rye
Singin’, "this’ll be the day that I die."

More Blah

2007-04-23T10:12:00.000-07:00

God, that video is LAME..but I'm just glad I managed to find this song on Youtube...

I was listening to my iTunes on true random for the first time in ages and this song came on. It seemed appropriate.

Tegan and Sara
I Can't Take It

so move, yeah move,
so move, yeah move
I've got nowhere to go, I've got nowhere to go
so move,
don't move so slow, don't move so slow,
don't move so slow, don't move so slow
so move, yeah move
I got nowhere to go, I've got nowhere to go
so move,
don't move so slow, don't move so slow,
don't move so slow, don't move so slow
I can't take it, I can't take it,
I can't take it, I can't take it
I can't whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa
I can't whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa
I can't take(take) it
I can't take(take) it
I can't take(take) it
I can't take(take) it
I can't whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa
I can't whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa
I can't whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa
I can't whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa

Huh...

2007-04-21T09:51:00.000-07:00

I'm feeling oddly more chaotic and more peaceful about everything, all at once. Again with my damn mind not being able to sort everything out.

Cats
Memory
(Elaine Paige's version, as there seems to be several...)

Midnight not a sound from the pavement
Has the moon lost her memory?
She is smiling alone
In the lamplight, the withered leaves collect at my feet
And the wind begins to moan

Memory, All alone in the moonlight
I can smile at the old days
I was beautiful then
I remember the time I knew what happiness was
Let the memory live again

Every streetlamp seems to beat
A fatalistic warning
Someone mutters and the street lamp gutters
And soon
It will be morning

Daylight
I must wait for the sunrise
I must think of a new life
And I mustn't give in.
When the dawn comes
Tonight will be a memory too
And a new day will begin

(Music interlude)

Burnt out ends of smoky days
The stale cold smell of morning
A streetlamp dies; another night is over
Another day is dawning...

Touch me!
It's so easy to leave me
All alone with the memory
Of my days in the sun...
If you touch me, you'll understand what happiness is
Look, a new day has begun.

My Gods!

2007-04-18T12:27:00.000-07:00

Nothing is constant... particularly not my good moods these days. Lovely.

Decided not to go to Spanish again. That'll make it two weeks. I'll have to attend every class after this and there is no way my grade can be salvaged. I wonder what having signed up to replace my old grade will do with this one. I wonder if it'll disappear...that'd be nice.

Hmm, the above music video is totally odd. The 80s are a tad crazy. Yep.

Cyndi Lauper
Time After Time

Lying in my bed I hear the clock tick,
and think of you
caught up in circles confusion--
is nothing new
Flashback--warm nights--
almost left behind
suitcases of memories,
time after--

sometimes you picture me--
I'm walking too far ahead
you're calling to me, I can't hear
what you've said--
Then you say--go slow--
I fall behind--
the second hand unwinds

chorus:
if you're lost you can look--and you will find me
time after time
if you fall I will catch you--I'll be waiting
time after time

after my picture fades and darkness has
turned to gray
watching through windows--you're wondering
if I'm OK
secrets stolen from deep inside
the drum beats out of time--

chorus:
if you're lost you can look--and you will find me
time after time
if you fall I will catch you--I'll be waiting
time after time

you said go slow--
I fall behind
the second hand unwinds--

chorus:
if you're lost you can look--and you will find me
time after time
if you fall I will catch you--I'll be waiting
time after time
...time after time
time after time
time after time
time after time

What have I done?

2007-04-17T20:56:00.000-07:00

No lyrics again, damn this is turning into a real blog.

I am beginning to regret my choice of a roommate. I know that living where I now live would be impossible without her, but I still wish that it wasn't necessary.

She talks to "herself" constantly, little remarks about whatever she is doing that tend to interrupt the peace/flow of conversation, depending on the moment. She just got a new laptop and seems to relish the small sounds that every program makes, refusing to turn it on to silent. When meaning to speak to another person, she speaks so loud you can hear her in every room in the house. When combined with another loud voiced housemate of mine, the noise level seems to inch up with every word they speak until it is almost intolerable to be in the same room as the two of them.

Sigh. It's getting to the point where I am getting annoyed with everything she does, a state I am all together too familiar with in recent times, as it was something I had to become reacquainted with in Germany. However, before that my life had been relatively peaceful on that front and I am not fond of it's resumption.

Oh, Lordy. Grant me patience, because I definitely need it especially since my stored up patience has been more than exhausted over the past few months...

Strange

2007-04-15T22:03:00.000-07:00

The weekend is over and I've never been happier to see something end.

Stranger than Fiction is absolutely amazing. At the end, I wonder what my life would have been like if I'd been in the country to see it when it came out in theaters, but then I realized it didn't matter.

I have friends, good ones... and even when life sucks, they are there still... I keep going, because that is all there is to do... but when I really think about it, I don't hate life. Moments it seems like I do, but I know that my wonderful ending is out there. And until then, I have a fun life to keep me going. I just need to remember that in the sucky moments, and everything will be well. No lyrics. Just the one link. Oh well. It's so odd how cathartic this blog has become for me. I like knowing that it is just me and my words and the potentiality that this blog offers.

Because that is what enjoying life is about in the bad times, looking forward to the great potentialities that are out there. The potentialities that you don't dare hope for, but that in that secret heart of yours exist. The ones that you wouldn't normally dare to think of. But I know better. It happened once, something I never really seriously thought would happen. And that means it can happen again. Potentiality is such a fun thing.

Next time, I have to remember to stop imagining tragic endings. Because perhaps thoughts do have power. In which case, I have a few choice words that I ought to share with my self of a year ago. Never again will I allow myself to think something is too good to be true. I just have to be even more brutally honest with myself than I am, even now.

Hmm...maybe I ought to not have a bit to drink before I post. But it doesn't matter! That's the glorious part of this blog. :)

:(

2007-04-15T11:46:00.000-07:00

Oh gods. The internet needs to know how terrible my weekend has been, but I can't post it over at my normal blog, so I'll just say "Oh God." over here.

The worst part is, next weekend is going to be unpeaceful as well. Thank God I'm not taking many classes so I'll have time to recover. Maybe.

People suck. All of them. Some just suck less than others.

I'm sure this feeling too, shall pass.

Uhm... Random lyrics, (and video) from Empire Records, because I'd feel bad posting without some sort of justification according to the unofficial mission of this blog:

Sugar High
(Originally by Coyote Shivers)

They all said "she's just another groupie slut"
and I said I thought you were anything but
think again, sometimes reputations outlive their applications
and sometimes fires don't go out, when you're done playing with them
I feel so funny deep inside
when you kiss me goodbye

sugarhigh.....sugarhigh.....sugarhigh.....sugarhigh

We could go out and not even leave the house
a t.v. set and a bottle of wine is just fine
making out on that old pull out couch
watching saturday night live, I guess that's why
I feel so funny deep inside
when I lick between your thighs

sugarhigh.....sugarhigh.....sugarhigh.....sugarhigh

alright...solo

and I have searched both far and wide
and I've explored the deepest caverns of my mind
to try and find an explanation why
I get this funny feeling deep inside
when you kiss me goodbye
and when I lick between your thighs

sugarhigh.....sugarhigh.....sugarhigh.....sugarhigh....shhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Great Scott!

2007-04-09T21:19:00.000-07:00

My God! I love the Buffy Musical aka Once More With Feeling. If you click the previous link to the wikipedia article, it mentions somewhere there that "Rocky Horror Style Reenactments" sprung up afterwards. I would love to go to one.

The show was one of my favorite Buffy episodes, but I felt a special attachment to it this time. So many of the songs meant much more to me than they used to, especially Spike's big number and Buffy's last "solo" song. Really though, you ought to just watch the whole thing. It's so much fun!

This here will take you to the lyrics, because I'd want to post them all and that just doesn't make sense.

So no lyrics from me today. Just a lot of links.

Dang Nabbit

2007-04-07T12:12:00.000-07:00

I have had "No One Else" going through my brain for days. I really wanted to be able to include a video with the acoustic version, as that's the one I hear, but apparently no video of it exists on the internet. I hope to fix that with the help of my friends with Macs, but until then you will have to make do with the normal version. But if you have the acoustic one, I recommend turning that on instead.

Obligatory link to a rather lame video for "No One Else."

Weezer
Weezer (Blue Album)
No One Else

My girl's got a big mouth
With which she babbles a lot.
She laughs at most everything
Whether it's funny or not.
And if you see her
Tell her it's over now.

[chorus]
I want a girl who will laugh for no one else.
When I'm away she puts her makeup on the shelf.
When I'm away she never leaves the house.
I want a girl who laughs for no one else.

My girl's got eyeballs
In the back of her head.
She looks around and around.
You know it makes me sad to see her like that.
Please don't believe her.
She says that for anyone.
And if you see her tell her it's a hey, hey hey hey!

[chorus]

And if you see her tell her it's over now.

And if you see her tell her it's over now.
And if you watch her go... and if you watch her go...
Watch her, watch her, watch her, watch her!

[chorus]

No one else. Yeah.

Blame the BBC

2007-04-05T20:56:00.000-07:00

So we were watching reruns of the British version of Whose Line Is It Anyway and the BBC kept advertising some music program about Oasis vs. Blur back in the day and I had a craving to hear some music by Blur. The song I chose is rather ordinary and probably one of the more thought of songs by them, but that's okay. I like it anyway.

The music video is rather crazy for some reason. I don't know why I find it so trippy, especially with all the stuff on TV these days, but I do.

Anyway, for your and my enjoyment, Blur!

Blur
Parkview
"Girls & Boys"

Street's like a jungle
So call the police
Following the herd
Down to Greece
On holiday
Love in the 90's
Is paranoid
On sunny beaches
Take your chances looking for

[Chorus]
Girls who are boys
Who like boys to be girls
Who do boys like they're girls
Who do girls like they're boys
Always should be someone you really love

Avoiding all work
Because there's none available
Like battery thinkers
Count your thoughts on 1 2 3 4 5 fingers
Nothing is wasted
Only reproduced
You get nasty blisters
Du bist sehr schon
But we haven't been introduced

[Chorus x 2]

Ah-ah-ah-ah-ahah
Ah-ah-ah-ah-ahah

Looking for...
[Chorus]
Girls who are boys
Who like boys to be girls
Who do boys like they're girls
Who do girls like they're boys
Always should be someone you really love

[Chorus x 3]
Ah-ah-ah-ah-ahah
Ah-ah-ah-ah-ahah

Cross Reference

2007-04-03T18:13:00.000-07:00

So I was posting in my "real" blog and thought of the apparently one hit wonder "Absolutely: (Story of a Girl)" by Nine Days. I created my own, rather bad lyrics to the first bit, and got a bit nostalgic. So here it is for you to see.

Click here for the music video.

Nine Days
The Maddening Crowd
"Absolutely (Story of a Girl)"

This is the story of a girl,
Who cried a river and drowned the whole world!
And while she looked so sad in photographs,
I absolutely love her,
When she smiles...

How many days in a year?
She woke up with hope but she only found tears.
And I can be so insincere,
Making her promises never for real!
As long as she stands there waiting,
Wearing the holes in the soles of her shoes!
How many days disappear?
When you look in the mirror so how do you choose?
Your clothes never wear as well the next day,
And your hair never falls in quite the same way-
But you never seem to run out of things to say...

This is the story of a girl,
Who cried a river and drowned the whole world
And while she looked so sad in photographs,
I absolutely love her,
When she smiles...

How many lovers would stay?
Just to put of with this shit day after day!
How did we wind up this way?
Watching our mouths for the words that we say.
As long as we stand here waiting,
Wearing the clothes of the souls that we choose!
How do we get there today?
When we're walking to far for the price of our shoes!
Your clothes never wear as well the next day,
And your hair never falls in quite the same way-
But you never seem to run out of things to say!...

This is the story of a girl,
Who cried a river and drowned the whole world
And while she looked so sad in photographs,
I absolutely love her,
When she smiles...

Your clothes never wear as well the next day,
And your hair never falls in quite the same way-
But you never seem to run out of things to say...

This is the story of a girl,
Who cried a river and drowned the whole world!
And while she looks so sad in photographs,
I absolutely love her-

This is the story of a girl;
Her pretty face she hid from the world
And while she looks so sad and lonely there,
I absolutely love her,
When she smiles...

This is the story of a girl,
Who cried a river and drowned the whole world
And while she looks so sad in photographs,
I absolutely love her,
When she smiles...
When she smiles.

And my "lyrics"? It needs context, so here you go:
"I love Orson Scott Card. I've said this before, but I am rereading the Shadow series after having recommended it to someone and then realizing that I didn't remember more than the large picture and intention of the books. (Which sadly is the story of my life... Heh... Here's the story of a girl, she read a whole lot of super good books, but while she loved them all dearly so, she would not remember them, with some time. Okay, so it's a crappy attempt to subvert a song for my own needs. My attempt to keep the syllable count the same has left it looking rather stupid... anyway, enough of that flight of fancy.)"

Groovy German Band

2007-03-29T20:39:00.000-07:00

I love this song so much, but it is sad that I am forgetting enough of my German that I didn't understand the chorus, even though we had a long conversation about what "tauchen" meant... (The teacher was trying to avoid using English to explain it...or it was the teacher that didn't speak English...I've forgotten now) Anyway, the English translation is below, so don't despair...

But first! Here is the music video that made me aware of them! I was perusing an entry on wikipedia about geeky rockers and this music video was mentioned...

Wir Sind Helden
Die Reklamation:
"Guten Tag"

Meine Stimme gegen dein Mobiltelefon
Meine Fäuste gegen eure Nagelpflegelotion
Meine Zähne gegen die von Doktor Best und seinem Sohn
Meine Seele gegen eure sanfte Epilation

Es war im Ausverkauf im Angebot die Sonderaktion
Tausche blödes altes Leben gegen neue Version
Ich hatte es kaum zu Hause ausprobiert da wusste ich schon
an dem Produkt ist was kaputt-das ist die Reklamation

Ich will
Ich tausch nicht mehr ich will mein Leben zurück
Guten Tag ich gebe zu ich war am Anfang entzückt
aber euer Leben zwickt und drückt nur dann nicht
wenn man sich bückt -
Guten Tag

Meine Stimme gegen die der ganzen Talkshownation
Meine Fäuste für ein müdes Halleluja und Bohnen
Meine Zähne gegen eure zahme Revolution
Visionen gegen die totale Television

Es war im Ausverkauf im Angebot die Sonderaktion
Tausche blödes altes Leben gegen neue Version
Ich hatte es kaum zu Hause ausprobiert da wusste ich schon
an dem Produkt ist was kaputt-das ist die Reklamation

Guten Tag guten Tag ich will mein Leben zurück
Guten Tag guten Tag ich will mein Leben zurück
Guten Tag guten Tag ich will mein Leben zurück
Ich tausch nicht mehr ich will mein Leben zurück
Guten Tag ich gebe zu ich war am Anfang entzückt
aber euer Leben zwickt und drückt nur dann nicht
wenn man sich bückt -
Guten Tag

And for the English...

My voice against your mobile phone,
My fists against your nail lotion,
My teeth against those of Dr. Best and his son,
My soul against your gentle epilation.

It was on sale, on offer a special deal:
‘Trade in a boring old life for new version’.
I just tried it out at home when I realised:
The product is broken – this is the complaint.

I won’t trade anymore, I want my life back.
I won’t trade anymore, I want my life back.
I won’t trade anymore, I want my life back.
Hello, I want my life back.
Hello, hello, I want my life back.
Hello, hello, I want my life back.
Hello, I admit, I was charmed at first,
But your life doesn’t tweak and press only if you give in.
Hello.

My voice against that of the whole talk show nation,
My fists for a tired Hallelujah and bean,
My teeth against your tame revolution,
Visions against the total television.

It was on sale, on offer a special deal…

Mobile phone – of Dr. Best and his son – special deal
This is the complaint – of the whole talk show nation
Revolution – visions against the total television.

It was on sale, on offer a special deal…

Dude!

2007-03-25T22:28:00.000-07:00

I was listening to my iTunes and the song that goes "I'm not sick but I'm not well..." came on. (Click the link for a video with it) It's always bothered me that I don't have it properly labeled, so I went online to double check that it was by Lit, as I had always assumed. Sure enough, searching the lyrics and the word Lit brought me to many lyric sites talking about it being a Lit song, with the title "I'm not sick but I'm not well." However when I went to wikipedia to find the album it was on, I couldn't find it. Then, searching for just the lyrics I was told it was a Greenday song called Paranoia. This didn't seem right to me, so I began trying variations on my search phrase. I don't remember the magic words, but finally I came to a site that said "Greenday- Paranoia ...is not a song" and properly credited the song to this band from '98 called Harvey Danger. That was a lot more work than I usually have to go through, just to label one song.

And here for you today is the proper labeled lyrics to this lovely song.

Harvey Danger
Where Have All The Merrymakers Gone?
"Flagpole Sitta"

I had visions, I was in them,
I was looking into the mirror
To see a little bit clearer
The rottenness and evil in me

Fingertips have memories,
Mine can't forget the curves of your body
And when I feel a bit naughty
I run it up the flagpole and see who salutes
(But no one ever does)

I'm not sick, but I'm not well
and I'm so hot 'cause I'm in hell

Been around the world and found
That only stupid people are breeding
The cretins cloning and feeding
And I don't even own a TV

Put me in the hospital for nerves
And then they had to commit me
You told them all I was crazy
They cut off my legs now I'm an amputee, Goddamn you

I'm not sick, but I'm not well
And I'm so hot cause I'm in hell
I'm not sick, but I'm not well
And it's a sin, to live so well

I wanna publish 'zines
And rage against machines
I wanna pierce my tongue
It doesn't hurt, it feels fine
The trivial sublime
I'd like to turn off time
And kill my mind
You kill my mind
Mind...

Paranoia, paranoia
Everybody's comin' to get me
Just say you never met me
I'm runnin' underground with the moles
Diggin' in holes
Hear the voices in my head
I swear to God it sounds like they're snoring
But if you're bored then you're boring
The agony and the irony, they're killing me, whoa!

I'm not sick, but I'm not well
And I'm so hot cause I'm in hell
I'm not sick, but I'm not well
And it's a sin to live this well

(One, two, three, four!)

---
Man, I remember jiving to this song in the snow in Germany. It's almost enough to make me a tad nostalgic, and then I remember that I hated my life there. :)

The Poor Boys

2007-03-20T08:10:00.001-07:00

I love the newest My Chemical Romance album. I love how deliciously over the top the songs can be musically, but yet still appeal to me lyrically. That's why this list depressed me. Somehow as soon as I saw it, I had a premonition that My Chemical Romance would be on it, but especially since it was the last and only recognizable band I have a feeling the list was made specifically for that album. I've heard it compared to Queen before, but I have to say that even if Queen is fun to sing along with, it's not exactly what I feel like rocking out to when I am depressed but want to cheer myself up. My Chemical Romance is rather perfect for that, it's dark enough that you can nod along and say "Yeah man" but it's fun enough that it can still make you feel better. Besides, it's kind of fun to look up from your wild head banging at the red light to see the kids in the car next to you staring.

And maybe that's the problem. They are too "emo" for critiques, and everyone who isn't emo knows emo is bad... But sometimes we all have our emo moments, and My Chemical Romance does it in a musically fun way, rather than just whining into a microphone like many other bands. Plus their albums are all story based...how cool is that?

Sigh... Somehow I have a feeling I may have muddied my case... So we'll just go onto the song posting. Here's the obligatory music link.

My Chemical Romance:
The Black Parade
Disenchanted

Well I was there on the day
They sold the cause for the queen,
And when the lights all went out
We watched our lives on the screen.
I hate the ending myself,
But it started with an alright scene.

It was the roar of the crowd
That gave me heartache to sing.
It was a lie when they smiled
And said, "you won't feel a thing"
And as we ran from the cops
We laughed so hard it would sting

Yeah yeah, oh

If I'm so wrong (so wrong, so wrong)
How can you listen all night long? (night long, night long)
Now will it matter after I'm gone?
Because you never learn a goddamned thing.

You're just a sad song with nothing to say
About a life long wait for a hospital stay
And if you think that I'm wrong,
This never meant nothing to ya

I spent my high school career
Spit on and shoved to agree
So I could watch all my heroes
Sell a car on tv
Bring out the old guillotine
We'll show 'em what we all mean.

Yeah yeah, oh

If I'm so wrong (so wrong, so wrong)
How can you listen all night long? (night long, night long)
Now will it matter long after I'm gone?
Because you never learn a goddamned thing.

You're just a sad song with nothing to say
About a life long wait for a hospital stay
And if you think that I'm wrong,
This never meant nothing to ya

So go, go away, just go, run away.
But where did you run to? And where did you hide?
Go find another way, price you pay

Woah, Woah, Woah, Woah, Woah, Woah

You're just a sad song with nothing to say
About a life long wait for a hospital stay
And if you think that I'm wrong,
This never meant nothing to ya, come on

You're just a sad song with nothing to say
About a life long wait for a hospital stay
And if you think that I'm wrong,
This never meant nothing to ya

At all, at all, at all, at all

---

Yeah, that's not actually one of the head banging songs, but I love the sentiments... Okay, really just the line about watching my Heroes sell cars on TV... that's the bit that's always endeared me to this song... Yep.

Forgetting You

2007-03-14T14:20:00.000-07:00

I love this music video. The music videos are one of the reason that I love Panic! At The Disco as much as I do.

Regrets haven't disappeared, but I feel rather happy today. :) Yay!

With no further ado:

Panic! At The Disco:
But It's Better If You Do

Now I'm of consenting age to be forgetting you in a cabaret
Somewhere downtown where a burlesque queen may even ask my name
As she sheds her skin on stage
I'm seated and sweating to a dance song on the club's P.A.
The strip joint veteran sweeps you away
Smirking between dignified sips of his dignified peach and lime daiquiri

And isn't this exactly where you'd like me
I'm exactly where you'd like me, you know
Praying for love in a lap dance and paying in naivety
Oh, and isn't this exactly where you'd like me
I'm exactly where you'd like me, you know
Praying for love in a lap dance and paying in naivety

Oh, but I'm afraid that I
Well, I may have faked it and
I wouldn't be caught dead in this place

Well I'm afraid that I
Well that's right
That I may have faked it and
I wouldn't be caught dead in this place

And isn't this exactly where you'd like me
I'm exactly where you'd like me, you know
Praying for love in a lap dance and paying in naivety
Oh, and isn't this exactly where you'd like me
I'm exactly where you'd like me, you know
Praying for love in a lap dance and paying in naivety

Well I'm afraid that I
Well, I may have faked it and
I wouldn't be caught dead in this place

Well I'm afraid that I
Well that's right
That I may have faked it and
I wouldn't be caught dead in this place

And isn't this exactly where you'd like me
I'm exactly where you'd like me, you know
Praying for love in a lap dance and paying in naivety
Oh, and isn't this exactly where you'd like me
I'm exactly where you'd like me, you know
Praying for love in a lap dance and paying in naivety

Praying for love and paying in naivety
Praying for love and paying in naivety

Thanks KROQ

2007-03-13T12:57:00.000-07:00

Click here for the music video.

Three Days Grace
One-X:
Pain

Pain, without love
Pain, I can't get enough
Pain, I like it rough
'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all

You're sick of feeling numb
You're not the only one
I'll take you by the hand
And I'll show you a world that you can understand
This life is filled with hurt
When happiness doesn't work
Trust me and take my hand
When the lights go out you will understand

Pain, without love
Pain, I can't get enough
Pain, I like it rough
'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all
Pain, without love
Pain, I can't get enough
Pain, I like it rough
'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all

Anger and agony
Are better than misery
Trust me I've got a plan
When the lights go off you will understand

Pain, without love
Pain, I can't get enough
Pain, I like it rough
'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all
Pain, without love
Pain, I can't get enough
Pain, I like it rough
'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing
Rather feel pain

I know (I know I know I know I know)
That you're wounded
You know (You know you know you know you know)
That I'm here to save you
You know (You know you know you know you know)
I'm always here for you
I know (I know I know I know I know)
That you'll thank me later

Pain, without love
Pain, can't get enough
Pain, I like it rough
'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all
Pain, without love
Pain, I can't get enough
Pain, I like it rough
'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all
Pain, without love
Pain, I can't get enough
Pain, I like it rough
'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all
Rather feel pain than nothing at all
Rather feel pain

---
After I heard this song, I was thinking about the nature of beauty. Can beauty truly be said to exist in a perfect world? Without things that are less than beautiful for comparison, how do we recognize beauty? The same can be said of perfection/good/health...etc. How can we see and comprehend these things, without the opposite to compare them too. I guess that's why God has always been a troublesome picture for me.

As a Christian, I ought to believe that God is perfection and that God is everything. Yet if he is everything, that implies that he contains elements of both good and evil. Some say it is simply the knowledge of good and evil, ala the tree, that enables God to be everything. However, what use is the knowledge of something if there is not some element of reality within it? Perhaps evil is necessary for perfection, as a sort of contrast that allows good to exist and be properly revered.

I've always wondered if that is why, in the Christian tradition, God made man. That thought has also always been a bit unsatisfying to me. Perhaps it is ungrateful of me, but I don't like the thought that my suffering is the result of a choice I did not make in order to fulfill some grand destiny. On the other hand, I'm all for a little of my own personal suffering here on earth in order to relieve the suffering of others, (to a certain extent) so why should humanity existing for that purpose be problematic?

I guess it is something about the way it makes my life feel rather artificial. If everything is following some divine plan, and in the long run there is nothing we can do to fix things, the fact that we allow ourselves to continue to exist seems rather pointless. If we weren't so attached to life, wouldn't it be better to just have one giant mass suicide and get it over with? But then there is that pesky "we are attached to life" detail to get over.

*Sigh* I'm not honestly suggesting that mass suicide is a good idea. In fact, I am all for working as hard as we can to make this world a good place to live in, even if some book somewhere tells us that the world will become rather miserable before God comes. Because, when it comes down to it, I have to live here.

And maybe because it's true. Beauty can be all the more vivid because of pain. Love can seem so much more valuable after you've experienced hate, etc. etc.

I still don't know whether I would prefer to be happily ignorant of everything or experience the highs and lows of real life, if I could choose my life over again. I know that the person I am now can't imagine anything but the second, as the first would be a death of everything I am. But if I could chose my life from birth to death...I don't know... I love feeling and I love the perception of beauty, but I really, really dislike pain.

(And sometimes I wonder if at the same time, I'm not a tad addicted to it. Like the song says, it seems to be better than feeling nothing at all.)

Sigh

2007-03-09T10:14:00.000-08:00

Click here for a fan video with this song.

Rent
Without You

ROGER
Where were you?
MIMI
I'm sorry I'm late...

ROGER
I know, You lost your keys. No, you went for a walk; you
had to help your mother. And how's Benny? I'm going
upstairs tonight.

MIMI
That's Not...

I Should Tell You
I Should...

Never mind...

ROGER
Happy Spring
(Roger leaves.)

MIMI
Without You
The Ground Thaws
The Rain Falls
The Grass Grows

Without You
The Seeds Root
The Flowers Bloom
The Children Play

The Stars Gleam
The Eagles Fly
Without You

The Earth Turns
The Sun Burns
But I Die
Without You

Without You
The Breeze Warms
The Girls Smile
The Cloud Moves

Without You
The Tides Change
The Oceans Crash

The Crowd Roars
The Days Soar
The Babies Cry
Without You

The Moon Glows
The River Flows
But I Die
Without You

ROGER
The World Revives

MIMI
Colors Renew

BOTH
But I Know Blue
Only Blue
Lonely Blue
Within Me, Blue
Without You

MIMI
Without You
The Hand Gropes
The Ear Hears
The Pulse Beats

ROGER
Without You
The Eyes Gaze
The Legs Walk
The Lungs Breathe

BOTH
The Mind Churns
The Heart Yearns
The Tears Dry
Without You

Life Goes On
But I'm Gone
Cause I Die

ROGER
Without You

MIMI
Without You

ROGER
Without You

BOTH
Without You

I know that I will be better. I will not die. In fact I can already see my life forming up around me. It's not the life it was before, but there the song is true. Part of me has died, and nothing I do can bring it back. I can only look around me and create a new life, trying my best to not let the old one haunt me. It's odd. I've always heard that you can never come home again, but even with all of the little proofs that I had, I never quite understood the truth of that statement. I did feel a bit of dread at the thought of leaving, but I thought it was merely the legacy of my family, my paranoia, playing tricks on me. Now I know to listen to my instincts, because as much as I claim I have no women's intuition, I do have intelligence and I ought to remember that sometimes my unconscious mind reminds me of what my conscious mind has overlooked.

It is not one thing that is different. Life would have been hard no matter the circumstances of my return. But I do confess that the obvious thing has dealt a rather large blow to my recovery. I no longer ache with the acute feeling that a part of my heart has been carved away. Instead it is as if I have carefully applied a plaster to that hole, filling it in as best I can and painting over it, as if perhaps nothing happened. But I can feel the difference. The repair feels alien, and every now and then bits of it come off and I must struggle to fix it once again.

Because the truth of it is, I miss him. You can argue whether it was love, I can not claim to understand this mysterious thing that we call love, but whatever it was, I enjoyed it. I often turn to share an idea with someone, only to realize that there is no one who wants to listen. Or no one that I care to have listen, as is sometimes the case. And while my mind misses the intellectual companion, my body misses the comfort of his arms, the one place I knew that I was always safe. I know, now, that perhaps I wasn't as safe as I thought, but I can't change the past.

I allowed myself to care, for the first time, and I can't say, even now, whether I was in error or not. Many people told me after things started to sour that I "deserved better" and that he was never "good enough for me." I laughed then, and I laugh now. I knew his faults, perhaps not from the beginning, but certainly before I invested my heart in him. And I knew that his faults could be a problem for me, but that they were merely a part of the life of every truly interesting person. I know that I will never be interested in a person without such faults, because such a person would be rather bland. But I had faith that together we could find away to free him from the worst of the burdens. Perhaps another old adage that I ought to have listened to was that you can not change a man.

Was it really change that I wanted? I didn't expect the faults to disappear, I only desired that the worst of their effects be muted, so that he could be a happier person. Even now, I wish only that he can find a way to be happy. I had thought, for a time, that perhaps I helped him to find happiness. Not necessarily just in me, but in himself as well. And I always said to myself that if another could do the job better, that if I truly loved him, I ought to let him go.

Letting go is harder than I thought. But I'm doing it. Some days it is rather hard, and I find myself tempted to try something, anything, to reconnect with him. But I am not the one that made the decision, and I have to respect his wishes. I can give him that at least, if I gave him nothing else.

I don't believe in the nonsense regarding those personality labels: I/E, N/S, T/F, P/J, but I sometimes wish that I could escape dear old "F." Some would say that being as empathetic as I am is a blessing. I can understand people rather well, and I certainly understand myself. But feeling hurts, especially with so much pain around. Sure, perhaps the happy times are even happier, but that simply means the painful times are that much more painful, and joy is harder to remember. When I was little, I knew that it would be easier to simply die than to face the rest of life. I've never been very brave in the face of pain, and I knew what life had in store. Despite that, my empathy saved my childish self, for I also knew what such an act would do to those around me. I feel no shame in stating that, as I have finally come to peace with myself over my childhood. It is a fact, another piece of who I am, and I must accept it, if I want to understand myself.

Perhaps this is saying to much for a journal on the Internet. But I have peace in knowing that this blog is unread, while the pretense that I am speaking to someone gives me an incentive to write. It is such an odd contradiction. I can not write for myself anymore. I lose focus and the words never seem quite right. It is only when I am courting danger by exposing myself on the Internet that I can feel free to write. But I do not want to actually be read, at least by those who know me, because that would be exposing too much. So I write here, knowing that I write to no one but those who perhaps stumble on my blog after hitting "next" on the blogger interface. I write for the world to read, secure in the knowledge that the world doesn't care.

And the writing is cleansing. I feel at peace now, having finally trapped my feelings in words. A part of me will always be missing, but hopefully I can be like the phoenix of the ashes, rising from the broken pieces of my old life to become something even more beautiful.

(Sigh...so many overused literary analogies. Good thing I am just writing for myself, or I may have to feel embarrassed...)

Change

2007-03-03T18:56:00.000-08:00

I have plenty more sad songs I could post, but I'm not in the mood. Sadly, I haven't really been listening to much music lately, as a sort of defense mechanism, so I don't have any other sorts of songs to post. :-(

I have however been reading. Nothing too challenging, mind you, but reading. And as such I will simply recommend that you go and find "Traitor" from the New Jedi Order series.

Yes, I am aware that perhaps you have never read a Star Wars book and perhaps the idea even appalls you. The book will probably seem a tad confusing to you, if this is the case, but I tell you anyway: Go! Read it!

Because this book is what I want to find a way to do with my life, a shining example of how philosophy can be brought to the masses. Yes, I am aware that the number of people who not only have read Star Wars books but that have also slogged through the sometimes not so stellar offerings of the New Jedi Order series, is probably rather small. Perhaps they are already receptive to the philosophic ideas presented in this book, but that does not matter. This book inspired me, making me feel completely free and creating a sense of peace and understanding that I had not had in a very long time. It was only a work of fiction, and I am well aware that "The Force" is simply a product of George Lucas' mind, but I still felt a connection to what was said regarding this construct.

And I was entertained as I was reading it! If just one young person reads a book such as this and gains an interest in philosophy, an interest that perhaps they were predisposed to but that they were not aware of, then I have hope. And according to the person who recommend the book to me, they were one such person.

Philosophy should not be forever cloaked in the stuffy words of academia. Yes, for real discourse to take place on the higher levels, you must understand the words, but first people must be learn to want such discourse. The problem is how to balance the entertainment value with a sufficiently solid enough philosophical basis in such a way that you cause your readers to want to question and find out more about the discipline as a whole. Movies such as the Matrix provide everything in a tidy enough package that the viewer can simply say "Yeah, man" and claim the values of the Matrix as their own and move on, never needing to find out more.

With that being said, perhaps I ought to add a disclaimer. Traitor could easily be like the Matrix in that aspect, but for the fact that it isn't high profile. This is all conjuncture on my part, as I have already confessed a bent to philosophy, long before I read Traitor, however I think that there is a certain measure of joy in recognizing Traitor as a kind of philosophic tome within pop-culture. That the Matrix is philosophic has been discussed by so many people that one does not have that feeling of wonder with the way that the world is sorting itself out in front of their eyes, as that is what they expect. However, with Traitor, the revelation is something that one must sort out for oneself, which makes it that much more precious and that much more exciting.
Orson Scott Card is the only other author that has ever created that sense of rightness within me as I finished a book, and perhaps is one of the reasons that I am so interested in Philosophy.

With philosophy not being taught in the schools, except perhaps as a footnote in Greek history, we have to find away to draw in those curious souls who may not realize what they are missing. I'm not talking about brainwashing them into a certain school of philosophic thought, as that would run contrary to the spirit of philosophy. Rather, I want to find away to help people to realize that philosophy is important to them and create within them a desire to learn more about it, to uncover questions that they never realized they were asking.

Is that too ambitious of me?

Summer Skin

2007-02-21T07:33:00.000-08:00

I feel a bit bad for posting so much Death Cab, but what can I say... I like them.

Click here for the music video.

Death Cab For Cutie
Plans
Summer Skin

Squeaky swings and tall grass
The longest shadows ever cast
The water's warm and children swim
And we frolicked about in our summer skin

I don't recall a single care
Just greenery and humid air
Then Labor day came and went
And we shed what was left of our summer skin

On the night you left I came over
And we peeled the freckles from our shoulders
Our brand new coats so flushed and pink
And I knew your heart I couldn't win
Cause the season's change was a conduit
And we'd left our love in our summer skin

How Appropriate

2007-02-14T05:01:00.000-08:00

It's Valentine's day. That doesn't really mean much to me, which is funny. I don't feel anything about this day. It probably helps that I'm off in a foreign country trapped in a tiny college campus with almost no people...

Anyway, this song only has a marginal connection with the day, rather I've been meaning to post it for sometime. It's sort of become my new anthem song. It's rather funny that it comes from the same album as "I Will Follow You Into The Dark." I rather enjoy that this band seems to have songs for every mindset that I may have.

And with no further ado, click here for a music video. (Note, 'a,' not 'the' music video, unfortunately. It seems they haven't done an official video for this one.)

Death Cab For Cutie
Plans:
Someday You Will Be Loved

I once knew a girl
In the years of my youth
With eyes like the summer
All beauty and truth
In the morning I fled
Left a note and it read
Someday you will be loved.

I cannot pretend that I felt any regret
Cause each broken heart will eventually mend
As the blood runs red down the needle and thread
Someday you will be loved

You'll be loved you'll be loved
Like you never have known
The memories of me
Will seem more like bad dreams
Just a series of blurs
Like I never occurred
Someday you will be loved

You may feel alone when you're falling asleep
And everytime tears roll down your cheeks
But I know your heart belongs to someone you've yet to meet
Someday you will be loved

You'll be loved you'll be loved
Like you never have known
The memories of me
Will seem more like bad dreams
Just a series of blurs
Like I never occurred
Someday you will be loved

You'll be loved you'll be loved
Like you never have known
The memories of me
Will seem more like bad dreams
Just a series of blurs
Like I never occurred
Someday you will be loved
Someday you will be loved

Heard it on TV

2007-02-12T11:40:00.000-08:00

I saw this on TV today as I tried to study while I was in Borg. :) I liked the artsy look of the music video so decided to post it. I haven't even read the lyrics myself... :-)

Click here to see the video.

Mando Diao
Ode to Ochrasy:
Good Morning, Herr Horst

I’ve been walking down the street
With a tambourine on my feet
I’m holding every beat steady and low
Well if it would’ve been me
I would have turned into the factory
And chase that little girl black and blue

Now I’m bleeding
And I’m freezing
And I’m crying once again
For Monday glass
For Monday glass

So if you see me on the street
Don’t ask me about my passing days
Just slip another coin
And walk away

Lalalalalalalalala…

I once had a love of mine
With a different heart
In another time
I blew that all with pills and alcohol

I once had a child of mine
With a different heart
In another time
I blew that off with booze and lack of soul

Now I’m bleeding
And I’m freezing
And I’m crying once again
For Monday glass
For Monday glass

So if you see me on the street
Don’t ask me about my passing days
Just slip another coin
And walk away
Yeah slip another coin
And walk away

Lalalalalalalalala…

I'm telling you the truth

2007-02-08T00:58:00.000-08:00

I'm okay! (trust me, I'm not okay)

I can't actually decide. Sometimes I'm perfect. Other times I just want to cry. Rare occasions I wish I could get mad at him. I think this is all natural. Yippee?

And that's all for chat from me today. The song is self-explanatory.

I'm actually posting two videos for this. The first one is a terrible quality video of an actual performance of this song...which is fun since it has the puppet! The second is one that you can actually listen to... :)

Avenue Q
There's a Fine, Fine Line

Kate Monster:
There's a fine, fine line between a lover and a friend;
There's a fine, fine line between reality and pretend;
And you never know 'til you reach the top if it was worth the uphill climb.

There's a fine, fine line between love
And a waste of time.

There's a fine, fine line between a fairy tale and a lie;
And there's a fine, fine line between "You're wonderful" and "Goodbye."
I guess if someone doesn't love you back it isn't such a crime,
But there's a fine, fine line between love
And a waste of your time.

And I don't have the time to waste on you anymore.
I don't think that you even know what you're looking for.
For my own sanity, I've got to close the door
And walk away...
Oh...

There's a fine, fine line between together and not
And there's a fine, fine line between what you wanted and what you got.
You gotta go after the things you want while you're still in your prime...

There's a fine, fine line between love
And a waste of time.

The Melencholy Continues

2007-02-02T23:49:00.000-08:00

Click Here for a fan-created music video of this song.

Three Doors Down
Away From the Sun:
Going Down in Flames

Don’t tell me what to think
Cause I don’t care this time
Don’t tell me what you believe
Cause you won’t be there
To catch me when I fall
But you’ll need me when I’m not here at all
Miss me when I’m gone again, yeah

I’m going down in flames
I’m falling into this again, yeah
I’m going down in flames
I’m falling into this again

Don’t tell me how life is
Cause I don’t really don’t want to know
Don’t tell me how this game ends
Cause we’ll just see how it goes
Catch me when I fall
Or you’ll need me when I’m not here at all
Miss me when I’m gone again, yeah

I’m going down in flames
I’m falling into this again, yeah
I’m going down in flames
I’m falling into this again, yeah

Now, I’m all the way down here
I’m falling
I’m all the way down here
I’m falling down again
I’m falling down
I’m falling down
I’m falling down

I’m going down in flames
I’m falling into this again,
I’m going down in flames
I’m falling into this again

Now, I’m all the way down here
I’m falling
All the way
All the way down here
I’m falling down again now I’m falling down

---

After reading the lyrics again, I realized that this song isn't as applicable as I thought... oh well.

Intellectually, I know I'll get over this, in some way or another. It's just hard when trapped here to remember that. Thank God I only have 15 days until my parents arrive. Then I can cry and be hugged and feel generally miserable without people treating me like I ought to be over it already.

Damn

2007-02-02T08:59:00.000-08:00

Click here for a video of Queen singing this song in a concert...

Queen
Greatest Hits One
Save Me

It started off so well
They said we made a perfect pair
I clothed myself in your glory and your love
How I loved you,
How I cried...
The years of care and loyalty
Were nothing but a sham it seems
The years I believed we lived a lie
I love you until I die
Save, save, save me
I can't face this life alone
Save, save, save me...
I'm naked and I'm far from home

The slate will soon be clean
I'll erase the memories
To start again with somebody new
Was it all wasted,
All that love?
I hang my head and I'll advertise
A soul for sale or rent
I have no heart I'm cold inside
I have no real intent
Save, save, save me
I can't face this life alone
Save, save, ooooohhhhh...
I'm naked and I'm far from home

Each night I cry I still believe the lie
I love you, 'till I die

Save, save, oh, save me
Don't let me face my life alone
Save, save, ooh...
I'm naked and I'm far from home

While this song seems a tad overdramatic, when you can't sleep for all the memories that you have loved over the past year flashing in your head as you realize that not only will you never see those things in the same light again but that everything you felt might have meant nothing except to yourself... It seems appropriate.

Plus I just keep thinking "But he promised he'd wait till I'd been back a month..."

Stupid parents who never promised me anything when I was a child, just in case they had to break that promise. I'm not use to it... Among other things.

It's Over...

2007-01-31T15:08:00.000-08:00

I couldn't find a music video on Youtube with Johnny Cash and I felt he would be the most appropriate for this. So here is a website that plays it when you visit, at a less than optimal quality, but it'll give you an idea.

Johnny Cash
I'm So Lonesome I Could Cry

Hear that lonesome whippoorwill?
He sounds too blue to fly.
The midnight train is whining low:
I'm so lonesome I could cry.

I've never seen a night so long,
When time goes crawling by.
The moon just went behind a cloud,
To hide its face and cry.

Did you ever see a Robin weep,
When leaves begin to die?
That means he's lost his will to live.
I'm so lonesome I could cry.

Instrumental break.

The silence of a falling star,
Lights up a purple sky.
And as I wonder where you are,
I'm so lonesome I could cry.
I'm so lonesome I could cry.

Sigh...

I know he's doing what's best for him, so what else can I do. But it hurts... this whole thing has hurt so much... I constantly ask myself why the hell I did this, and then I remember...because he encouraged me. If he hadn't been so great, I never would have managed this on my own... And now, partially because I'm here...it's over.

And dammit if there isn't one tiny part of me that hopes that maybe somehow this won't be the end...

Damn me, Damn my empathy (If I didn't have that, at least I could just get mad)... I need to get home so my friends can remind me of a little of who I am and maybe help me sort myself out.

So this is how Fucking up feels...

2007-01-30T06:16:00.000-08:00

Click here for some Youtube home movie with this song as the background. This is one I really suggest just turning on in another tab and listening to as you do other things...

Death Cab for Cutie
Transatlanticism:
Passenger Seat

I roll the window down
And then begin to breathe in
The darkest country road
And the strong scent of evergreen
From the passenger seat as you are driving me home.

Then looking upwards
I strain my eyes and try
To tell the difference between shooting stars and satellites
From the passenger seat as you are driving me home.

"do they collide?"
I ask and you smile.
With my feet on the dash
The world doesn't matter.

When you feel embarrassed then I'll be your pride
When you need directions then I'll be the guide
For all time.
For all time.

I can't remember if this is the song that I'm thinking of, but Death Cab played one song at their concert this summer and said it disturbed them to see couples standing and singing it, as it was about breaking up...

But I remember thinking, 'yeah man...but I totally feel this song'.

I hope I didn't fuck up too much. But seeing the word 'single' on his profiles certainly hurts. And contemplating whether I should follow suit or blindly hope and just leave them be for now... That isn't a decision that comes easily to me.

And wondering if it was my letter that did it...

*sigh*

(And yes...I do now have a large number of Death Cab songs on this blog...I can't help it...I like them. :) )

RAR!

2007-01-29T05:01:00.000-08:00

Click here for the music video.

They Might Be Giants:
Boss of Me

Yes, no, maybe
I don't know
Can you repeat the question?

You're not the boss of me now
You're not the boss of me now
You're not the boss of me now, and you're not so big
You're not the boss of me now
You're not the boss of me now
You're not the boss of me now, and you're not so big

Life is unfair, so I just stare at the stain on the wall where
The TV'd been, but ever since we've moved in it's been empty

Why I, why I'm in this room
There is no point explaining

You're not the boss of me now, and you're not so big
You're not the boss of me now
You're not the boss of me now
You're not the boss of me now, and you're not so big

Life is a test, and I confess
I like this mess I've made so far
Grade on a curve and you'll observe
I'm right below the horizon

Yes, no, maybe, I don't know
Can you repeat the question?

You're not the boss of me now
You're not the boss of me now
You're not the boss of me now, and you're not so big
You're not the boss of me now
You're not the boss of me now
You're not the boss of me now, and you're not so big

You're not the boss of me now
You're not the boss of me now
You're not the boss of me now, and you're not so big
You're not the boss of me now
You're not the boss of me now
You're not the boss of me now, and you're not so big

Life is unfair

---

And yet I still couldn't manage to stay in class. After everything, having Jens giving me the usual "Warum bist du spat, schlechte Americanish Frau" look pissed me off beyond belief. I was fucking early according to the big clock on the "Old School." But no matter which clock I use, I manage to be late. And every single time he gets pissed off... which is normally fine, but after he asked me not to be upset over giving me a 2, even though I speak better than any other person who has only learned German for a little over 4 months... after that, I couldn't take his damn accusing face.

"Jeden Mann mochtet ein Eines, aber du hast nicht alles richtig gemacht. Ich habe nicht alles auf deine fehler geschreibt, aber dass ist fur spater wann du sagst 'Aber ich habe nicht ein fehler gemacht, warum machst du so?' Ich kann nicht ein eines zu du geben, aber ein Zwei ist auch gut."

Then damn it I'll be fussier... If I had just spoken as slowly as the damn Asians do, I could have told him the entire story in the most basic German and completely proper. It is my fault for attempting to speak like a normal German and not worrying all the time about how proper I am speaking. If they would stop complementing me out of one mouth and then give me poor grades over the bits I'm lacking in with the other, maybe I could learn some fucking proper German.

Can you tell I'm pissed...

I know life isn't fair. But Bronsen is rubbing off of me and I am sick of this crap.

(In full disclosure, not that many people read this, I also posted this as a slightly more cohesive story and missing the lyrics over at my normal blog which is listed as "My daily nonBlogger mind dump" over on my link list)

This is a good I'm pissed off/lonely song

2007-01-25T04:40:00.000-08:00

Click here for the music video of The Used "All That I've Got".

edit: After having seen this video, I feel as if I should comment on it. I am of two minds towards my love for "story" music videos. One part of me has no problem with it, I love seeing the clever ways that the musicians (or rather whoever writes their music video) can sometimes subtly tie in a seemingly unrelated story to their song. Or sometime the story mimics exactly what I feel about the song, which is a wonderful validation.

On the other hand, why do I sometimes feel more connected to a song after seeing the video? When what was formally a mildly interesting song becomes one of my favorites, simply because of the music video, should I be glorifying the musicians or the art directors?

Perhaps I am silly to believe music should be able to stand up on its own right, without needing extra gimics to make it interesting. Yet many interesting songs of old, before we had ways of recording music, let alone TVs or MTV, were written for operas. Of course those songs remain in our consciousness now, even though many people have never seen the operas with which they are connected.

I guess that means that I should try to recognize music for its own merits, and admit if I love a song more because of the clever music video than for the song itself. That doesn't mean I can't still love it though, as the music video without the track in the background would be rather empty...

All that being said, I liked this song long before I saw the video...I only watched the video after I decided to post it here...

The Used:
In Life and Death
"All That I've Got"

So deep, that it didn't even bleed and catch me
Off guard, red handed
Now I'm far from lonely
Asleep, I still see you lying next to me
So deep that it didn't even bleed and catch me, I...
I need something else
Would someone please just give me
Hit me, knock me out
And let me go back to sleep
I can laugh
All I want inside I still am empty
So deep that it didn't even bleed and catch me, I...

[Chorus:]
I'll be just fine
Pretending I'm not
I'm far from lonely
And it's all that I've got
I'll be just fine
Pretending I'm not
I'm far from lonely
And it's all that I've got

I guess, I remember every glance you shot me
Unharmed, I'm losing weight and some body heat
I squeezed so hard
I stopped your heart from beating
So deep that I didn't even scream
"Fuck Me", I..

[Chorus:]
I'll be just fine
Pretending I'm not
I'm far from lonely
And it's all that I've got
I'll be just fine
Pretending I'm not
I'm far from lonely
And it's all that I've got

And it's all that I've got
Yeah, it's all that I've got
It's all that I've got
It's all that I've got
It's all that I've got

So deep that it didn't even bleed and catch me
So deep that I didn't even scream "FUCK ME"

[Chorus:]
I'll be just fine
Pretending I'm not
I'm far from lonely
And it's all that I've got
I'll be just fine
Pretending I'm not
I'm far from lonely
And it's all that I've got

And it's all that I've got
It's all that I've got

Burn it on the CD

2007-01-23T10:06:00.000-08:00

This song is another "I just like it" song. I figured since I've been so prolific as of late and since I have nothing else to do, I would update with this. :)

Click here for a video!

Black Eyed Peas
Monkey Business
"They Don't Want Music"

Hey don't want music, they don't know how to use it
All they want is (a boom, boom, boom, boom)

Hey y'all, John Coltraine yeah he plays the sax
Me, myself I love to max
Up in the studio laying tracks
Burn it on the CD, melt the wax
And now I'm feeling fine
Coz daily music's on my mind
And I feel mellow
When I watch the girl play the cello
Hello to all my fellow peers in here for the quality
Music quality, yeah
That'll be the focus in the top pick of the day
So pass the peas like we used to say
Pass the beats like they used to say
Pass the phunk like they used to say
That's my joint like we used to say
Syncopation the true school way

[Chorus]
I don't know what you came to do
I came to drop the phunk on you
Depends on that sonic sound
But you know what?
They don't want music [2x]
They just want (a boom, boom, boom boom boom [2x])
They don't want music, they don't know how to use it
They don't want music [2x]
They don't want music, they don't know how to use it
The good back horn
They don't want music, they don't know how to use it
All they want is (a boom, boom, boom, boom, boom boom boom)

Oo, lala aw wee wee
Nowadays music is all about fee
The soul is caged no bits now free
Unless the rhyme was rocked by me
I got the balls to bang (baw ba-ba-baw, ba-ba-baw, ba-baw bang)
Yeah, steady, just doing my thang (steady, just steady, just doing my own thang)
I just do it (ha!)
I just do it you know
My momma said to do what you know
So I'ma do what I know
James Brown gave me the fluid
That means a baby could do it
The Peas will do it so

Do it, do it, do it
Get up on the stage and release my fluid
Do my thing, do it through the music
Phunkafied and therapeutic

[Chorus]

Wait a minute!
You got to rock with the phunk (if you wanna have a good time) [2x]
You got to roll with the phunk (if you wanna have a good time) [2x]
You got to roll with the phunk (if you wanna be sweet and fine, hey! Hey! Hey!)
Rock with the punk (if you gonna have a good time)
You got to roll with the phunk (if you wanna have a good time)
A woman that'll phunk your horn now (gimme that phunky horn!)
Play that phunky horn now (gimme that phunky horn)
Gimme that phunky horn now (gimme that phunky horn)
Hey! Hey! Hey!

[Instrumental]

You got to rock with the phunk (if you wanna have a good time)
You've got to roll with the phunk (if you wanna have a good time)
You got to dance with the phunk (if you wanna be sweet and fine)
I said I like to dance with the phunk (if you wanna be sweet and fine)
You've got to shake with the phunk (if you wanna have a good time)
Shaking shaking shaking with the phunk (if you wanna have a good time)

Gimme that phunky horn (gimme that phunky horn)
I need that phunky horn (I need that phunky horn)
Play that phunky horn now (gimme that phunky horn)
... A break down, a break down, a break, get down

Dance everybody move your body through the music
Get it started, get into it
Come on everybody do it
You've got to dance through the music
People doing what you're doing
People grooving with the music
You've got to roll with the phunk

Roll with your phunk (if you're wanna have a good time)
R-O-double-L keep rolling with the phunk (if you're wanna have a good time)
And roll! To a phunky place
I'm rolling (where?)
To a to a to a phunky phunky place
I'm rolling! To a phunky place
I'll be there, I'll be there, I'll be there, I'll be there...
It's phunky, phunk, phunk, phunk phunky...

Vague

2007-01-21T10:19:00.000-08:00

I have to confess that I actually don't completely understand this song. But I like it. So here it is...

(Click here for the music video)

My Chemical Romance
The Black Parade
Famous Last Words

Now I know
That I can’t make you stay
But where’s your heart
But where’s your heart
But where’s your...

And I know
There’s nothing I can say
To change that part
To change that part
To change...

So many
Bright lights that cast a shadow
But can I speak?
Well is it hard understanding
I’m incomplete
A life that’s so demanding
I get so weak
A love that's so demanding
I can’t speak

I am not afraid to keep on living
I am not afraid to walk this world alone
Honey if you stay
I’ll be forgiven
Nothing you can say can stop me going home

Can you see
My eyes are shining bright
Cause I’m out here
On the other side
Of a jet black
Hotel mirror
And I’m so weak
Well is it hard understanding
I’m incomplete
A love that's so demanding
I get weak

I am not afraid to keep on living
I am not afraid to walk this world alone
Honey if you stay
I’ll be forgiven
Nothing you can say can stop me going home

I am not afraid to keep on living
I am not afraid to walk this world alone
Honey if you stay
I’ll be forgiven
Nothing you can say can stop me going home

These bright lights are
always blinding me
These bright lights have
always blinded me
I say

I see you lying next to me
With words I thought I’d never speak
Awake and unafraid
Asleep or dead

I see you lying next to me
With words I thought I’d never speak
Awake and unafraid
Asleep or dead

Cuz
I see you lying next to me
With words I thought I’d never speak
Awake and unafraid
Asleep or dead

I am not afraid to keep on living
I am not afraid to walk this world alone
Honey if you stay
I'll be forgiven
Nothing you can say can stop me going home
[x3]

You get two media things!

2007-01-19T08:20:00.000-08:00

Below the normal lyrics is a quote from "The Beautiful and Damned" by F. Scott Fitzgerald. I highly recommend it at this point (I'm only in "book 2"). Although, I must say the more I know about Fitzgerald, the more his books depress me, as you can see the man that he was and would become displayed in a shamelessly intimate way, disguised as prose. But he writes so beautifully, and I do enjoy the stories so. Enough so to apparently slightly change my own writing style, without making a conscious effort. Interesting.

Anyway, I also highly recommend that you not only read these lyrics but click here for my usual Youtube video offering. (The rather sensual official music video this time, rather than some fan created video!)

This song is rather repetitive, which makes it a bit boring to read (like all pop songs?) but I rather like the sounds of it, especially the guitar bridges. (I think that's what they are called...I know nothing about music, except what I like when I hear it) So go! Hear it...

I'm feeling chatty today for some reason, so I will also share that I was inspired to post this after listening to it while feeling more than usually glum at my usual hangout spot here in Germany, the bus stop. The song didn't help with the glum feelings, but I did like the guitar, as I said above, so here it is for you to read...

The White Stripes
Elephant
I Just Don't Know What To Do With Myself

I just don't know what to do with myself
I don't know what to do with myself
Planning everything for two
Doing everything with you
And now that were through
I just don't know what to do

I just don't know what to do with myself
I don't know what to do with myself
Movies only make me sad
Parties make me feel as bad
Cause I'm not with you
I just don't know what to do

Like a summer rose
Needs the sun and rain
I need your sweet love
To beat love away

Well I don't know what to do with myself
Just don't know what to do with myself
Planning everything for two
Doing everything with you
And now that were through
I just don't know what to do

Like a summer rose
Needs the sun and rain
I need your sweet love
To beat love away

I just don't know what to do with myself
Just don't know what to do with myself
Just don't know what to do with myself
I don't know what to do with myself

- - -

There are other quotes that I thought of sharing, but I like this one as it has nothing to do with my current frame of mind. Instead it appeals to the History student side of myself.

F. Scott Fitzgerald, The Beautiful and Damned, Book 2 Chapter 1 "The Radiant Hour," section "Gloria and General Lee."

(Background, the newlyweds are touring General Lee's House)

"I think it's perfectly terrible!" she said furiously, "the idea of letting these people come here! And of encouraging them by making these houses show-places."
"Well," objected Anthony, "if they weren't kept up they'd go to pieces."
"What if they did!" she exclaimed as they sought the wide pillared porch. "Do you think they've left a breath of 1860 here? This has become a thing of 1914."
"Don't you want to preserve old things?"
"But you can't, Anthony. Beautiful things grow to a certain height and then they fail and fade off, breathing out memories as they decay. And just as any period decays in our minds, the things of that period should decay too, and in that way they're preserved for a while in the few hearts like mine that react to them. That graveyard at Tarrytown, for instance. The asses who give money to preserve things have spoiled that too. Sleepy Hollow's gone; Washington Irving's dead and his books are rotting in our estimation year by year --then let the graveyard rot too, as it should, as all things should. Trying to preserve a century by keeping its relics up to date is like keeping a dying man alive by stimulants."
"So you think that just as a time goes to pieces its houses ought to go too?"
"Of course! Would you value your Keats letter if the signature was traced over to make it last longer? It's just because I love the past that I want this house to look back on its glamourous moment of youth and beauty, and I want its stairs to creak as if to the footsteps of women with hoop skirts and men in boots and spurs. But they've made it into a blondined, rouged up old woman of sixty. It hasn't any right to look so prosperous. It might care enough for Lee to drop a brick every now ant hen. How many of these--these animals"--she waved her hand around--"get anything from this, for all the histories and guide-books and restorations in existence? How many of them who think that, at best, appreciation is talking in undertones and walking on tiptoes would even come here if it was any trouble? I want it to smell of magnolias instead of peanuts and I want my shoes to crunch on the same gravel that Lee's boots crunched on. There's no beauty without poignancy and there's no poignancy without the feeling that it's going, men, names, books, houses--bound for dust--mortal--"
A small boy appeared beside them and, swinging a handful of banana-peels, flung them valiantly in the direction of the Potomac.

Sorry, that was much longer than I had originally thought I would quote, but I love it all. I feel like that sometimes, which is in direct contrast with my desire to preserve historical things to be studied and a desire to connect history with people. And while I can't agree that we ought not to preserve things after their century, I agree that the beautiful historical churches where I hear a choir practicing for a concert or see people fervently worshiping seem much more magnificent than the ones I simply traipse through as one of many tourists.

How did this end up as an almost normal post? Odd... I could even post this on my daily blog, with almost no trouble.

Instead I'll post it here where I don't have to worry about whether or not I've received comments or how my friends will read into my words. I like the anonymity of this place. Not that I do much to preserve it, but by the nature of it and my normally infrequent posts, this is almost one of those lovely holy places that I love, undisturbed by touristic travel, a place where I can practice my choirs and give holy speeches.

I only post when I am feeling melancholy

2007-01-17T13:17:00.000-08:00

Click here for some fan animation with this song... The sound quality is decent. :)

Hello Goodbye
Zombies! Aliens! Vampires! Dinosaurs!
All Of Your Love

Girl, You wanted
To shut it all off and make a run for the door

It's so hard
To make, it
For every inch we get we need a mile more

But there is always so much distance can't but feel it somehow
But you have never ever felt it like you feel it right now
I'm closin off inside and oh it's only just started
And you can't be close enough unless I'm feeling your heart beat

All of your love
Was all that I needed
All of your love
Was all that I needed

Girl
What are you doin now?
And are you going out?
Or has your life shut down?

Are you there?
This string keeps cutting out
I feel like freaking out
But we keep reaching out

But there is always so much distance can't but feel it somehow
But you have never ever felt it like you feel it right now
I'm closin off inside and oh it's only just started
But you can't be close enough unless I'm feeling your heart beat

All of your love
Was all that I needed
All of your love
Was all that I needed

Girl
It's hard enough
Just to move around
It's hard enough
Just to move around

Oh, I wanted you
Oh, I wanted you
Oh, I wanted you, to move
Girl, I wanted you
Oh, I wanted you
Oh, I wanted you, to move
Around
Around

All of your love
Was all that I needed
All of your love
Was all that I needed
[Repeat till end]

Mmm...The Goodness

2007-01-16T04:08:00.000-08:00

I don't often correct lyrics, but of the sites I checked there are only two versions of this song available. One is an annoying page with little animated gifs between bits of the song that asks people not to copy their lyrics and the other is the widely available but flawed version that proliferates on lyric sites and is often mislabeled as somehow being connected to Moulin Rouge. So here you have my version of the widely available one.

Click Here for a Youtube video featuring this song. For some reason most of the more eccentric songs exist only as cobbled together Anime fan videos... oh well. :) This one is fascinating as they actually tried to sink the lips and actions with the song a bit...except it has the original subtitles still, which just makes it funny.

Lady Come Down
Rupert Everett and Colin Firth
From: The Importance of Being Earnest Soundtrack

Rupert (as Algy): After you dear boy.
Colin (as Jack): Oh no, after you.
Rupert: No, no, no, do go first I’m not really good at the high bits. I’m much better low
Colin: Well, we’ll see...
Hm hm hm hmm
Rupert: 1 2. and!

Colin: The western wind is blowing fair,
Across the dark Aegean Sea
Rupert: And at the secret marble stair,
My Tyrian galley waits for thee

Together: Come down, the purple sail is spread,
The watchman sleeps within the town.
Oh leave thy lily flowerbed,
Oh lady mine, come down

Chorus: Come down
Lady come down
Come down
Lady come down,
Oh Lady come down

Together: She will not come I know her well,
Of lover's vows she hath no care.
And little good a man can tell,
Of one so cruel and so fair

Colin: True love is but a woman’s toy,
They never know their lover's pain.
Rupert: And I who loved as loves a boy,
Must love in vain
Together: Must love in vain

Come down
Lady come down
Come down
Lady come down

Colin: I think your high notes may have damaged our chances old boy. You do want them to come down don’t you?
Rupert: Well, she is never going to come down if you're singing like that. You’re completely out of tune
Colin: How dare you
Rupert: I’ll take this bit
Colin: You leave this to me. You go have a lie down, old man.
Rupert: No, I’ll take this bit
Colin: Out of my way I’m coming through
Rupert: Go easy, my dear fellow
Colin: COME DOOOOOWWWNNN!
Come down
Lady come down
Rupert: You're overdoing it, less is more.
Colin: Come down
Lady come down

Colin: That wasn’t so bad, was it?
Hmmmmhmhhhhmmmmm
Rupert: They're not gonna come down.
Do you think we should go up?
Maybe we should go up.
Colin: Algy you're always talking nonsense.
Rupert: Well it's better than listening to it.
Colin: Lady come down
Rupert: Doo bee doo bee doo bee doo bee doo

Rarity

2007-01-15T10:32:00.000-08:00

It is not often that I post songs just because I like them. Often they reflect my current moods or something that has occurred in connection with a song. This one just came on my iPod and I liked it. :) Although, considering the words, it could be relevant, but really, I just like the sound.

As always, Click here, to get to a video featuring this song.

Franz Ferdinand
You Could Have It So Much Better:
Eleanor, Put Your Boots On

Eleanor put those boots back on
Kick the heels into the Brooklyn dirt
I know it isn't dignified to run

But if you run you can run
To the Coney Island roller coaster
Ride to the highest point
And leap across the filthy water
Leap until the Gulf streams brought you down

Mmmm Hmmm

I could be there when you land
I could be there when you land

So Eleanor take a green point three point
And turn towards the hidden sun
You know you are so elegant when you run

Oh if you run you can run
To the statue with the dictionary
Climb to her fingernail and
Leap yeah! Take an atmospheric leap
And let the jet streams set you down

I could be there when you land
I could be there when you land
I could be there when you land

So Eleanor put those boots back on
Put those boots back on and run
Come on over here
Come on over here
Come on over here

Another Male Band Anthem Song

2007-01-14T10:11:00.000-08:00

Weezer: Other Way (Make Believe)
(To hear this song, click here to go to a Youtube
mashup of Superman Returns and this song, which
will have to suffice unless Weezer puts out a music video. :( )

I want to help you
But I don't know how
I want to soothe you
But I can't speak out

I have many fears about rejection
I have many memories of pain
I have always been a little shy
So I'll turn and look the other way
Other way
Other way
I will turn and look the other way

I want to hold you
But I am afraid
I want to touch you
But I'm not that way

I have many doubts about my motives
I have many fears about my greed
I have always hurt the one that I love
So I'll turn and look the other way
Other way
Other way
I will turn and look the other way

I have many doubts about my motives
I have many fears about my greed
I have always hurt the one that I love
So I'll turn and look the other way
Other way
Other way
I will turn and look the other way

Other way
Other way
I will turn and look the other way

Other way
Other way
I will turn and look the other way

The other way
The other way
The other way

Heartache Hurts

2007-01-02T13:40:00.000-08:00

Chicago
Sufjan Stevens: Illinois
(This song was used as a theme in "Little Miss Sunshine." It took me forever to figure out why the song sounded so familiar, which is rather obnoxious as I had listened to the Illinois album for a several months before "Little Miss Sunshine" came out in theaters.)

Edit: Finally! A fanvid with the recorded version of the song! I've changed my link, as I love the recorded version and it's much clearer than the live ones. 1/08)

I fell in love again
all things go, all things go
drove to Chicago
all things know, all things know
we sold our clothes to the state
I don't mind, I don't mind
I made a lot of mistakes
in my mind, in my mind

you came to take us
all things go, all things go
to recreate us
all things grow, all things grow
we had our mindset
all things know, all things know
you had to find it
all things go, all things go

I drove to New York
in a van, with my friend
we slept in parking lots
I don't mind, I don't mind
I was in love with the place
in my mind, in my mind
I made a lot of mistakes
in my mind, in my mind

you came to take us
all things go, all things go
to recreate us
all things grow, all things grow
we had our mindset
all things know, all things know
you had to find it
all things go, all things go

if I was crying
in the van, with my friend
it was for freedom
from myself and from the land
I made a lot of mistakes
I made a lot of mistakes
I made a lot of mistakes
I made a lot of mistakes

you came to take us
all things go, all things go
to recreate us
all things grow, all things grow
we had our mindset
all things know, all things know
you had to find it
all things go, all things go

you came to take us
all things go, all things go
to recreate us
all things grow, all things grow
we had our mindset
(I made a lot of mistakes)
all things know, all things know
(I made a lot of mistakes)
you had to find it
(I made a lot of mistakes)
all things go, all things go
(I made a lot of mistakes)

I've spent months wishing for nothing but to go either forward in time or back. I wish I could go back now. Back before I made my stupid decision. I know that it wouldn't actually fix any of the underlying problems, but maybe I wouldn't feel so helpless.

But unless something magnificently terrible happens to me, I go back at 7am Monday morning. Back to Purgatory. I'd rather be in hell...

I think that is what makes this all so hard to deal with. My life is falling to pieces but all I can do is slap a few temporary patches up and hope they last long enough that I can get back and reestablish a real life for myself. With or without him.

Why does life have to hurt so much? I thought I finally had it together for once. I guess that's when it gets you the worst. I can totally understand why so many people close themselves off from everything. But I hate being in that state, so I'm just going to have to keep trying, even when it hurts the worst. Because it's still better than feeling nothing.

'It's better than nothing' is such a weak motto, but right now it'll have to be enough.

Freedom

2006-12-04T12:35:00.000-08:00

I can't wait to leave this place...

The Postal Service:
This Place is a Prison

(Click here to see someone's home music video for this, fairly decent sound quality)

This place is a prison
And these people aren't your friends
Inhaling thrills through $20 bills
And the tumblers are drained and then flooded again
And again

There are guards at the on ramps armed to be teeth
And you may case the grounds from the cascades to Puget Sound,
But you are not permitted to leave

I know there's a big world out there like the one I saw on the screen
In my living room late last night,
It was almost too bright to see
And I know that it's not a party if it happens every night
Pretending there's glamor and candelabra
When you're drinking by candlelight

What does it take to get a drink in this place?

What does it take, how long must I wait?

Appropriate

2006-11-22T11:33:00.000-08:00

Homeward Bound Lyrics

I'm sitting in the railway station.
Got a ticket for my destination.
On a tour of one-night stands my suitcase and guitar in hand.
And ev'ry stop is neatly planned for a poet and a one-man band.
Homeward bound,
I wish I was,
Homeward bound,
Home where my thought's escaping,
Home where my music's playing,
Home where my love lies waiting
Silently for me.
Ev'ry day's an endless stream
Of cigarettes and magazines.
And each town looks the same to me, the movies and the factories
And ev'ry stranger's face I see reminds me that I long to be,
Homeward bound,
I wish I was,
Homeward bound,
Home where my thought's escaping,
Home where my music's playing,
Home where my love lies waiting
Silently for me.

Tonight I'll sing my songs again,
I'll play the game and pretend.
But all my words come back to me in shades of mediocrity
Like emptiness in harmony I need someone to comfort me.
Homeward bound,
I wish I was,
Homeward bound,
Home where my thought's escaping,
Home where my music's playing,
Home where my love lies waiting
Silently for me.
Silently for me.

(Click here to see a random YouTube video that has this song as a soundtrack: Honestly, I put these on so you can have the music and leave the video in the background as you surf. :) I don't expect anyone to watch all these bad videos!)

---

Today I saw a shirt in a popular chain store talking about some east coast city. I forget which one, but it is the one that is discussed in This Side of Paradise. (edit: I have been informed it is Atlantic City...this is correct!)
I thought of Fitzgerald and then felt happy that I have had the opportunity to study his greatness. I wonder what literature classes are like in other countries? I know that there are good authors that aren't English speaking, but having grown up with the English language I don't actually KNOW that there are good non-English speaking authors, I am just aware they must exist. German's had BETTER not read translations of English books and then pretend that is good enough. (As they do with dubbed movies...) But is that selfish of me to say that they ought to learn to read it in the original language? (Or at least attempt it) I mean, I'm here in there country to try and do the same...

Of course, I am sure that any good academic in Germany would not dream of saying translations are just as good... I just wish I were good enough with my German to speak with such people. Or you know, was in a University that had professors for something other than just Social Work and Theology.

Although I can't wait to upload the really awesome diagram on a chalkboard that I took a picture of...just as soon as I get back to the US... (When I can actually send the pictures from my phone to somewhere useful without having to pay huge fees)

---

Other side note, that I ought to remember to post on xanga someday: I wonder if learning German will change the way that I write in English? It will be interesting to compare papers from next year to my older papers. I love academic exercises.

2006-11-02T08:35:00.000-08:00

Been a long time since I posted here... Mostly because I have had no need to. Why should you post when life is almost perfect? Every moment wasted doing such things is a moment away from living your glorious life.

I knew the summer was too perfect. Maybe if I had been more miserable, this wouldn't hurt so much. Maybe then I could survive. Except I think a part of me has always known that I shouldn't try this. I know how meloncholic I get and yet I tried it anyway. I just want to go home. I don't even care what that means for my finances or school or anything. I am tired of being depressed. I am tired of the only thing making a day interesting is whether or not I got to get drunk. I want a real life again.

I wish I were stronger. I wish I knew what I wanted out of my life. A very large part of me is afraid that I am not cut out to be a professor. I can't even remember what happened in my classes last year. How am I suppose to teach stuff to ever people?

I wish that I weren't so afraid of screwing up one of the best relationships I have ever had...platonic or romantic, just relationships period.

I wish I had someone I could talk to. And just to be honest, I wish someone, anyone, would stop talking about what a great opportunity this is and tell me to come home. I can honestly say that I had forgotten what it was like to be this sad. I remember the days when this was normal and all I wanted was to stop living. But these past years I have built up a real life. One that I actually want to live in... but I left that life. And now I don't know what to do with myself.

It would help if I could speak the language...

I Will Follow You Into the Dark

Love of mine some day you will die
But I'll be close behind
I'll follow you into the dark

No blinding light or tunnels to gates of white
Just our hands clasped so tight
Waiting for the hint of a spark

If heaven and hell decide
That they both are satisfied
Illuminate the no's on their vacancy signs
If there's no one beside you
When your soul embarks
Then I'll follow you into the dark

In Catholic school as vicious as Roman rule
I got my knuckles brusied by a lady in black
And I held my tongue as she told me
"Son fear is the heart of love"
So I never went back

If heaven and hell decide
That they both are satisfied
Illuminate the no's on their vacancy signs
If there's no one beside you
When your soul embarks
Then I'll follow you into the dark

You and me have seen everything to see
From Bangkok to Calgary
And the soles of your shoes
are all worn down
The time for sleep is now
It's nothing to cry about
Cause we'll hold each other soon
In the blackest of rooms

If heaven and hell decide
That they both are satisfied
Illuminate the no's on their vacancy signs
If there's no one beside you
When your soul embarks
Then I'll follow you into the dark
Then I'll follow you into the dark

(Click here for the music video for this song. Sorry about the sound quality!)

I survived!

2006-07-14T22:26:00.000-07:00

I've enjoyed traveling, but I think it would be more fun if it weren't half financed by loans with a knowledge that I have to come back and frantically search for a job.

Keep The Customer Satisfied (2:35)
P. Simon, 1969
Released on Bridge Over Troubled Water

Gee but it's great to be back home
Home is where I want to be
I've been on the road so long my friend
And if you came along
I know you couldn't disagree
It's the same old story, yeah
Everywhere I go
I get slandered, libeled
I hear words I never heard in the Bible
And I'm one step ahead of the shoe shine
Two steps away from the county line
Just trying to keep my customers satisfied
Satisfied

Deputy Sheriff said to me
"Tell me what you come here for, boy
You better get your bags and flee
You're in trouble, boy
And now you're heading into more"
It's the same old story
Everywhere I go
I get slandered, libeled
I hear words I never heard in the Bible
And I'm one step ahead of the shoe shine
Two steps away from the county line
Just trying to keep my customers satisfied
Satisfied

And it's the same old story
Everywhere I go
I get slandered, libeled
I hear words I never heard in the Bible
And I'm so tired
I'm oh so tired
But I'm trying to keep my customers satisfied
Satisfied

(Click here to hear the song)

Can you tell what movie I watched?

2006-06-04T20:14:00.000-07:00

The Lyrics To "Get A Bloomin' Move On"

We are the self-preservation society, the self preservation society

We are the self-preservation society, the self preservation society

Put on your almond rocks and daisy roots

Brush your Hampstead Heath, wear your whistle-and-flute

Lots of lah-de-dahs and Cockneys here

Look alive and get out of here

Get your skates on mate, get your skates on mate

No bib around your Gregory Peck today, hey!

Drop your plates of meat right on the seat

This is the self-preservation society, the self-preservation society (etc)

This is the self-preservation society, the self-preservation society (etc

Cockney Translation!
Almond rocks Daisy roots Hampstead Heath Whistle-and-flute Lah-de-dahs Gregory Peck Plates of meat	Socks Boots Teeth Suit Posh people! Neck Feet

(Click here for a music video with this as the soundtrack. I apologize for the annoying vocal at the end!)

Who am I?

2006-05-31T17:50:00.000-07:00

It's just like you to contest
Wear it like a label on your breast
don't you see what this takes of me?
A certain callousness complies
With your charm and in your pride
a hopeful look draped in despise.

I want to give you
whatever you need.
What is it you need?
Is it what I need?
I want to give you
whatever you need.
What is it you need?
Is it within me?

It's hard to explain how I am getting by
on so little from you.
It's hard to believe that I would let myself
get so wrapped into you.
There's got to be something that would
be worthwhile for me to give to you.
We need a connection but you
seem to push me far away from you, from you, from you.

The harder I push the further I fall.
Well you don't mind me being headstrong.
But you don't want to sing along.
Maybe it's trite but I can always, always, always be wrong

It's just like you to contest
Wear it like a label on your breast
don't you see what this takes of me?
A certain callousness complies
With your charm and in your pride
a hopeful look draped in despise.

I want to give you
whatever you need.
What is it you need?
Is it what I need?
I want to give you
whatever you need.
What is it you need?
Is it within me?

It's hard to explain how I am getting by
on so little from you.
It's hard to believe that I would let myself
get so wrapped into you.
There's got to be something that would
be worthwhile for me to give to you.
We need a connection but you
seem to push me far away from you, from you, from you.

The harder I push the further I fall.
Well you don't mind me being headstrong.
But you don't want to sing along.
Maybe it's trite but I can always, always, always be wrong, be wrong, be wrong
Try not to be, try not to be, try not to be, try not to be wrong

Old Man and the Sea - And Joltin' Joe

2006-05-31T14:36:00.000-07:00

We read Old Man and the Sea. Discussions of what Joe DiMaggios inclusion meant and how it was part of the mythology that was included in the book, meant I was singing the Simon and Garfunkle song "Mrs. Robinson." About the time I had passed into the chorus, my professor mentioned the song and a discussion of the lyrics ensued. I looked them up, just in time for the discussion to pass on to other things. So here they are for you...

Mrs. Robinson

And here’s to you, Mrs. Robinson
Jesus loves you more than you will know
(Wo wo wo)
God bless you, please Mrs. Robinson
Heaven holds a place for those who pray
(Hey hey hey – hey hey hey)

We’d like to know a little bit about you for our files
We’d like to help you learn to help yourself
Look around you, all you see are sympathetic eyes
Stroll around the grounds until you feel at home

And here’ to you, Mrs. Robinson
Jesus loves you more than you will know
(Wo wo wo)
God bless you, please Mrs. Robinson
Heaven holds a place for those who pray
(Hey hey hey – hey hey hey)

Hide it in a hiding place where no one ever goes
Put it in your pantry with your cupcakes
It’s a little secret, just the Robinson’s affair
Most of all you’ve got to hide it from the kids

Coo coo ca choo, Mrs. Robinson
Jesus loves you more than you will know
(Wo wo wo)
God bless you, please Mrs. Robinson
Heaven holds a place for those who pray
(Hey hey hey – hey hey hey)

Sitting on a sofa on a Sunday afternoon
Going to the candidates’ depate
Laugh about it, shout about it
When you’ve got to choose
Ev’ry way you look at it you lose

Where have you gone, Joe DiMaggio?
A nation turns its lonely eyes to you
(Woo woo woo)
What’s that you say, Mrs. Robinson
‘Joltin Joe’ has left and gone away?
(Hey hey hey – hey hey hey)

Don't Ask

2006-05-15T08:35:00.000-07:00

But I'll tell you anyway. I was trying to get this text cut into Publisher, but it wouldn't work. So, I am attempting to post it as a blog and then I shall cut and hopefully paste. Or maybe this won't work either. (I can paste it into web browser text boxes...just not into any of the Word products.)

---

Hippocratic Oath—Modern Version

I swear to fulfill, to the best of my ability and judgment, this covenant:

I will respect the hard-won scientific gains of those physicians in whose steps I walk, and gladly share such knowledge as is mine with those who are to follow.

I will apply, for the benefit of the sick, all measures [that] are required, avoiding those twin traps of overtreatment and therapeutic nihilism.

I will remember that there is art to medicine as well as science, and that warmth, sympathy, and understanding may outweigh the surgeon's knife or the chemist's drug.

I will not be ashamed to say "I know not," nor will I fail to call in my colleagues when the skills of another are needed for a patient's recovery.

I will respect the privacy of my patients, for their problems are not disclosed to me that the world may know. Most especially must I tread with care in matters of life and death. If it is given me to save a life, all thanks. But it may also be within my power to take a life; this awesome responsibility must be faced with great humbleness and awareness of my own frailty. Above all, I must not play at God.

I will remember that I do not treat a fever chart, a cancerous growth, but a sick human being, whose illness may affect the person's family and economic stability. My responsibility includes these related problems, if I am to care adequately for the sick.

I will prevent disease whenever I can, for prevention is preferable to cure.

I will remember that I remain a member of society, with special obligations to all my fellow human beings, those sound of mind and body as well as the infirm.

If I do not violate this oath, may I enjoy life and art, respected while I live and remembered with affection thereafter. May I always act so as to preserve the finest traditions of my calling and may I long experience the joy of healing those who seek my help.

Oh No!

2006-05-11T10:19:00.000-07:00

Xanga is down for a few hours today...and I feel lost all ready. What if the transfering process (they are moving to a new server) somehow loses the last 4 years of my life?

I don't know what I would do...Probably pick back up and start over...but it would literally be loosing a part of myself.

Sorry.

2006-05-10T19:30:00.000-07:00

I don't usually like Eminem but we were talking about 8 mile (the movie)and I could only mutter bits of the lyrics and it bothered me.

"Lose Yourself"

Look, if you had one shot, or one opportunity
To seize everything you ever wanted-One moment
Would you capture it or just let it slip?

His palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy
There's vomit on his sweater already, mom's spaghetti
He's nervous, but on the surface he looks calm and ready
To drop bombs, but he keeps on forgettin
What he wrote down, the whole crowd goes so loud
He opens his mouth, but the words won't come out
He's chokin, how everybody's jokin now
The clock's run out, time's up over, bloah!
Snap back to reality, Oh there goes gravity
Oh, there goes Rabbit, he choked
He's so mad, but he won't give up that
Easy, no
He won't have it , he knows his whole back's to these ropes
It don't matter, he's dope
He knows that, but he's broke
He's so stagnant that he knows
When he goes back to his mobile home, that's when it's
Back to the lab again yo
This whole rap shit
He better go capture this moment and hope it don't pass him

[Hook:]
You better lose yourself in the music, the moment
You own it, you better never let it go
You only get one shot, do not miss your chance to blow
This opportunity comes once in a lifetime yo

The soul's escaping, through this hole that it's gaping
This world is mine for the taking
Make me king, as we move toward a, new world order
A normal life is borin, but superstardom's close to post mortem
It only grows harder, only grows hotter
He blows us all over these hoes is all on him
Coast to coast shows, he's know as the globetrotter
Lonely roads, God only knows
He's grown farther from home, he's no father
He goes home and barely knows his own daughter
But hold your nose cuz here goes the cold water
His hoes don't want him no mo, he's cold product
They moved on to the next schmoe who flows
He nose dove and sold nada
So the soap opera is told and unfolds
I suppose it's old partna', but the beat goes on
Da da dum da dum da da

[Hook]

No more games, I'ma change what you call rage
Tear this mothafuckin roof off like 2 dogs caged
I was playin in the beginnin, the mood all changed
I been chewed up and spit out and booed off stage
But I kept rhymin and stepwritin the next cypher
Best believe somebody's payin the pied piper
All the pain inside amplified by the fact
That I can't get by with my 9 to 5
And I can't provide the right type of life for my family
Cuz man, these goddam food stamps don't buy diapers
And it's no movie, there's no Mekhi Phifer, this is my life
And these times are so hard and it's getting even harder
Tryin to feed and water my seed, plus
Teeter totter caught up between being a father and a prima donna
Baby mama drama's screamin on and
Too much for me to wanna
Stay in one spot, another day of monotony
Has gotten me to the point, I'm like a snail
I've got to formulate a plot fore I end up in jail or shot
Success is my only mothafuckin option, failure's not
Mom, I love you, but this trailer's got to go
I cannot grow old in Salem's lot
So here I go is my shot.
Feet fail me not cuz maybe the only opportunity that I got

[Hook]

You can do anything you set your mind to, man

Modest Mouse and Judgment

2006-05-07T23:12:00.000-07:00

Do other people judge me as much as I feel they do? Or do I see my own judgment of myself, reflected in their eyes?

I wish I could find a way to never face that look again, whether it is of my own creation or a real thing.

Modest Mouse - The World At Large Lyrics
Ice-age heat wave, can't complain.
If the world's at large, why should I remain?
Walked away to another plan.
Gonna find another place, maybe one I can stand.
I move on to another day,
to a whole new town with a whole new way.
Went to the porch to have a thought.
Got to the door and again, I couldn't stop.
You don't know where and you don't know when.
But you still got your words and you got your friends.
Walk along to another day.
Work a little harder, work another way.

Well uh-uh baby I ain't got no plan.
We'll float on maybe would you understand?
Gonna float on maybe would you understand?
Well float on maybe would you understand?

The days get shorter and the nights get cold.
I like the autumn but this place is getting old.
I pack up my belongings and I head for the coast.
It might not be a lot but I feel like I'm making the most.
The days get longer and the nights smell green.
I guess it's not surprising but it's spring and I should leave.

I like songs about drifters - books about the same.
They both seem to make me feel a little less insane.
Walked on off to another spot.
I still haven't gotten anywhere that I want.
Did I want love? Did I need to know?
Why does it always feel like I'm caught in an undertow?

The moths beat themselves to death against the lights.
Adding their breeze to the summer nights.
Outside, water like air was great.
I didn't know what I had that day.
Walk a little farther to another plan.
You said that you did, but you didn't understand.

I know that starting over is not what life's about.
But my thoughts were so loud I couldn't hear my mouth.
My thoughts were so loud I couldn't hear my mouth.
My thoughts were so loud.

This music video is scary

2006-04-27T14:32:00.000-07:00

Dr. Guy was speaking of Wittgenstein's "turn-around" from his earlier Logical Positivist like thoughts to his later "Language Game" theories.

So of course I started thinking of this song. I posted it to try and stop myself from having it trapped in my head.

TOTAL ECLIPSE OF THE HEART (Bonnie Tyler )

Turnaround, every now and then I get a
little bit lonely and you're never coming around
Turnaround, Every now and then I get a
little bit tired of listening to the sound of my tears
Turnaround, Every now and then I get a
little bit nervous that the best of all the years have gone by
Turnaround, Every now and then I get a
little bit terrified and then I see the look in your eyes
Turnaround bright eyes, Every now and
then I fall apart
Turnaround bright eyes, Every now and
then I fall apart

Turnaround, Every now and then I get a
little bit restless and I dream of something wild
Turnaround, Every now and then I get a
little bit helpless and I'm lying like a child in your arms
Turnaround, Every now and then I get a
little bit angry and I know I've got to get out and cry
Turnaround, Every now and then I get a
little bit terrified but then I see the look in your eyes
Turnaround bright eyes, Every now and
then I fall apart
Turnaround bright eyes, Every now and
then I fall apart

And I need you now tonight
And I need you more than ever
And if you'll only hold me tight
We'll be holding on forever
And we'll only be making it right
Cause we'll never be wrong together
We can take it to the end of the line
Your love is like a shadow on me all of the time
I don't know what to do and I'm always in the dark
We're living in a powder keg and giving off sparks
I really need you tonight
Forever's gonna start tonight
Forever's gonna start tonight

Once upon a time I was falling in love
But now I'm only falling apart
There's nothing I can do
A total eclipse of the heart
Once upon a time there was light in my life
But now there's only love in the dark
Nothing I can say
A total eclipse of the heart

Turnaround bright eyes
Turnaround bright eyes
Turnaround, every now and then I know
you'll never be the boy you always you wanted to be
Turnaround, every now and then I know
you'll always be the only boy who wanted me the way that I am
Turnaround, every now and then I know
there's no one in the universe as magical and wonderous as you
Turnaround, every now and then I know
there's nothing any better and there's nothing I just wouldn't do
Turnaround bright eyes, Every now and
then I fall apart
Turnaround bright eyes, Every now and
then I fall apart

And I need you now tonight
And I need you more than ever
And if you'll only hold me tight
We'll be holding on forever
And we'll only be making it right
Cause we'll never be wrong together
We can take it to the end of the line
Your love is like a shadow on me all of the time
I don't know what to do and I'm always in the dark
We're living in a powder keg and giving off sparks
I really need you tonight
Forever's gonna start tonight
Forever's gonna start tonight

Once upon a time I was falling in love
But now I'm only falling apart
There's nothing I can do
A total eclipse of the heart
Once upon a time there was light in my life
But now there's only love in the dark
Nothing I can say
A total eclipse of the heart

My own fault

2006-04-16T18:10:00.000-07:00

But when I heard the words. The ones I wrote. I just wanted to hide. Hearing them from you, you who are intimately involved in the situation, hearing the words made me cry.

It wasn't guilt. It was frustration, grief, pain... but this time, there was no guilt.

I wish I hadn't been who I was. I wish I were stronger. I count myself lucky to have had everything work out as well as it has, but if only I were stronger...

As corny and inane as it sounds, I feel strong in your arms. It is a strength that carries me through the worst of it, but yet I know I need something more -something internal. I just wish I knew where to get "internal fortitude." Sometimes I wonder if the only way is to erase my past. Maybe that's why I forget everything. I'm trying to forget the few things that stand out as vivid in my mind, and thus all else fades as I grind away the layers of memory in a obsessive attempt to get rid of my demons once and for all.

I would....but

2006-03-17T01:49:00.000-08:00

I'd post the lyrics to Smashmouth's All Star, but I've done that before. So I won't.

But I just sang in a spontaneous room sing along...

We all knew the words.

It's so amusing. We are all children of the 90s....

Bipolar Day

2006-03-16T19:54:00.000-08:00

"The Worst Day Since Yesterday"
Flogging Molly

Well I know, I miss more than hit
With a face that was launched to sink
An' I seldom feel, the bright relief
It's been the Worst Day Since Yesterday

If there's one thing I have said
Is that the dreams I once had, now lay in bed
As the four winds blow, my wits through the door
It's been the Worst Day Since Yesterday

Fallin' down to you sweet ground
Where the flowers they bloom
It's there I'll be found
Hurry back to me, my wild calling
It's been the Worst Day Since Yesterday

Though these wounds have seen no wars
Except for the scars I have ignored
And this endless crutch, well it's never enough
It's been the Worst Day Since Yesterday

Hell says hello, well it's time to I should go
To pastures green, that I've yet to see
Hurry back to me, my wild calling
It's been the Worst Day Since Yesterday

The funny thing is, I've been entirely too cheerful all week. Today seemed perfectly blissful. Then came the news about having to *be* Kant for the Philosophy final 'debate'...and suddenly everything was back to being gloomy.

I just wanted to hold onto Greg and cry.

But now I'm working on the damn play that I don't want to write. But despite yesterday and most of today having been nice, I decided that I should post this when it came up on my itunes queue.

Monty Python!

2006-03-16T16:42:00.000-08:00

Philosopher's Song

Immanuel Kant was a real pissant
who was very rarely stable.
Heidegger, Heidegger was a boozy beggar
who could think you under the table.
David Hume could out consume
Schopenhauer and Hegel,
And Wittgenstein was a beery swine
who was just as sloshed as Schlegel.

There's nothing Nietzsche couldn't teach ya
'bout the raisin' of the wrist.
Socrates himself was permanently pissed.

John Stuart Mill, of his own free will,
after half a pint of shandy was particularly ill.
Plato, they say, could stick it away,
'alf a crate of whiskey every day!
Aristotle, Aristotle was a bugger for the bottle,
and Hobbes was fond of his Dram.
And Rene Descartes was a drunken fart:
"I drink, therefore I am."

Yes, Socrates himself is particularly missed;
A lovely little thinker, but a bugger when he's pissed.

Dang Pseudo-Kierkegaard making me think of Rent...

2006-03-07T16:50:00.000-08:00

Last night, I had a dream
I found myself in a desert called: CyberLand
It was hot, my canteen had sprung a leak and I was thirsty.

Out of the abyss walked a cow, Elsie
I asked if she had anything to drink
She said "I'm forbidden, to produce milk. In Cyberland we only drink
DIET COKE...diet coke."

She said, Only thing to do is jump over the moon,
They closed everything real down
Like barns and troughs and performance spaces
And replaced it all with lies and rules and virtual life.

But there is a way out
(leap of faith, leap of faith)
OOOoooooo
Only thing to do is jump over the moon

IIIIIIIIIII've gotta get out of here
It's like I'm being tied to the hood of a yellow rental truck
Being packed in with fertilizer, and fuel oil
Pushed over a cliff by a suicidal Mickey Mouse III've
gotta (X10)
Find a way, to jump over the moon

Only thing to do is jump over the moon

Then, a little bull dog walked in
His name, we have learned, is Benny
And although he once had principles
He abandoned them to live as a lapdog to a wealthy daughter of the revolution

"uh one two three that's bull" he said
Ever since that cat took up the fiddle that cows been- jumping
The dish and the spoon were evicted from the table and eloped
She's had trouble with the milk and the moon ever since
Maybe its a... female thing

'Cause who'd want to leave Cyberland anyway?
Walls ain't so bad
The dish and the spoon for instance, they're down on their luck
THey come knocking on my doghouse door and i say,
"NOT IN MY BACKYARD, UTENSILS, GO BACK TO CHINA!"

The only way out is up
Elsie whispered to me, "A leap of faith"
Sill thirsty... parched, have some milk
And I lowered myself beneath her and held my mouth to her swollen udder
And sucked the sweetest milk I have ever tasted (slurp)
"CLIMB ONBOARD!" she said

And as a harvest moon rose over Cyberland, we reared back
And sprang into a gallop
Leaping, out of orbit, i awoke singing

(leap of faith, leap of faith)
OOOooo
Only thing to do, only thing to is jump
Only thing to do is jump over the moon
Only thing to do is jump over the moon
Over the moon
Over the mooo
Mooooooooooo
MOOOOOOOOO

Moo with me
moooo
Come on sir mooooo mooooo mooooo moooo moooo
MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
uh!
thank you

If I keep posting these, it may get creepy

2006-03-06T23:04:00.000-08:00

Well...then stop visiting my blog!

Slept With Someone In Fall Out Boy And All I Got Was This Stupid Song Written About Me"

I found the cure to growing older
And you're the only place that feels like home
Just so you know, you'll never know
And some secrets weren't meant to be told
But I found the cure to growing older

I'm the first kid to write of hearts, lies, and friends
And I am sorry my conscience called in sick again
And I've got arrogance down to a science
Oh, and I'm the first kid to write of hearts, lies, and friends

[Chorus: x2]
Douse yourself in cheap perfume it's
So fitting, so fitting of the way you are
You can't cover it up
Can't cover it up

Find a safe place, brace yourself, bite your lips
I'm sending your fingernails and empty bottles you've sipped
Back to your family cause I know you will be missed
So you can find a safe place, brace yourself

They call kids like us vicious and carved out of stone
But for what we've become, we just feel more alone
Always weigh what I've got against what I left
So progress report: I am missing you to death

[Chorus: x2]
Douse yourself in cheap perfume it's
So fitting, so fitting of the way you are
You can't cover it up
Can't cover it up

Someone old
No one new
Feeling borrowed
Always blue
Someone old
No one new
Feeling borrowed
Always blue
Someone old
No one new
Feeling borrowed
Always blue
Someone old
No one new
Always borrowed
Always you

I found a cure to growing older
I found a cure to growing older

[Chorus: x2]
Douse yourself in cheap perfume it's
So fitting, so fitting of the way you are
You can't cover it up
Can't cover it up

Never Actually Heard it...

2006-03-06T22:49:00.000-08:00

BBC Radio 1 Evening Session 08/08/96
It's been really hard I know
It's been really hard under fire
So take a look at what this world's become
You know I've really got to go right now, oh
You've been polishing that gun too long
It's seen no action since the war begun
So take a look before you join the other side
You know I've really got to go right now
So strung out
You see [that I] don't want to play this game
I need your shoulder to cry on
It's something I can rely on
Don't want to live this way
That's why I'm leaving this for you
To Russia with love
Oh, see you
It's me
We've [been] pushing it, it's like cold war
The walking wounded from the night before
So take a look before you join the other side
You know I've really got to go right now
I'll see you round
You see [that I] don't want to play this game
I need your shoulder to cry on
It's something I can rely on
Don't want to live this way
That's why I'm leaving this for you
To Russia with love
[You] see I'm talking about you
Don't want to fight without you
Don't want to fight about it
I'm just your [LOVER!]

Blast

2006-03-03T13:10:00.000-08:00

The cold air hit her as she stepped outside the door.

Maybe next time she would learn not to think so much.

The storm had come. The brief interlude of sunshine was gone.

(Note: I took too long staring at the word. *Sigh*)

Aimless

2006-02-26T23:56:00.000-08:00

Shh... Don't look here. ;-)

Conversation taken from REAL LIFE.

Greg: I don’t know what I meant to type. Oh well.

I can sleep through noise. It’s all good… I think.

---

Me: *sigh* nowhere in this house is very comfortable for sleep. Outside of their room anyway

:-D

The couch sort of sucks…massively. I don’t know if you can feel that WOODEN BAR DIGGING INTO OUR SPINES

But it’s there…

---

And oneword, mentioned in the title as I realise I've been vague in the last few posts. Click the link to understand.

(I don't like where this went, but I'm posting it anyway. Sad.)
---

Aimless wandering has always bothered me.

There should be a point.

Even if it is a simple one, like

"That shell is pretty"

Something about the purpose makes me feel...Complete.

This feels aimless. But the timer ticks onward and I begin singing Christian songs in my head.

"Onward Christian Soldiers..."

(I don't really know the words)

One Word. Again.

2006-02-24T21:10:00.000-08:00

Breakdown palace. Or perhaps it was brokedown palace. Still, the idea that I could be tricked into drug running and thrown into jail forever is scary. Yet I am not detered. I must travel. I must. Otherwise I will be an incomplete person, and nothing is sadder than an incomplete person. And yet...so many of us are. ...Alas...

Dom is on Jeopardy today and I'm stuck at work. :(

2006-02-21T18:46:00.000-08:00

I don't want to remember my hometown. A blustry place, full of wind, rain and dark stormy nights. The kind of dark stormy nights that tales are written about. The kind when things go bump and you jump because something may be out there. Yet I miss the swings. Those swings saw me through some bad years. Now they rust from disuse.